Hurt
by Knope.We.Can
Summary: On a night out with Aubrey, Chloe is shocked to discover that the musician they're watching perform is her best friend from high school, Beca Mitchell. While Chloe is desperate to reunite with the one that got away, Beca has her own demons to battle. Bechloe multi-chapter fic. Rated M for themes. Trigger warning. AU.
1. I Am Going to Marry That Girl

**A/N: Okay my lovelies, let's get a little serious for a minute. This story has major major self harm trigger warnings. Please don't read it if it's going to be a problem for you. Also, if any of you at any time need anyone to talk to about s/h then please feel free to send me a message, I have a history with it so if I'd like to help if I can.**

**Seriousness aside, thank you to everyone who gave me such positive feedback 'The Mitchells', it made me a little weepy :P**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

**I also do not own any song that is sang.**

* * *

Chloe Beale wandered idly around the book store where she worked, her hand running across the spines of the books that stuck out from the shelves.

"'Bree, I'm so bored!" She groaned to her best friend.

"Just one more hour and we can close up." Aubrey replied, sitting behind the cash register and spinning on her chair. "Are we going for a drink tonight?"

"If we don't I think I might die." Chloe replied, leaning across the counter.

"Tone the dramatics down a notch." Aubrey responded, nudging her as a customer entered.

"Can I help you with anything, sir?" Chloe asked, brightly.

"Do you have Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?" He asked, reading the title from a scrap of paper in his hand.

"Of course!" Chloe replied before rushing off to get it. For 90% of her day, Chloe hated this job. It was boring and pretty poorly paid. The only two upsides were that she got to work with her best friend and room-mate Aubrey, and that she got to talk to people about books. Aubrey would always giggle at her for being so enthusiastic around customers. She returned, book in hand, and handed it over.

"Great." He said, studying the cover.

"It's an awesome book." She said, grinning at him.

"It's for my kid." He said, handing it over to Aubrey. "She's mad on the movies so we bought her the books. She's missing this one."

"Oh the books are way better! She'll love it." Chloe said, Aubrey nodded her agreement before telling the man how much he owed.

"And the books came first did they?" He asked, a tone of surprise in his voice.

"...Yes." Chloe replied, internally screaming.

"Didn't know that." He said happily as he left the shop. Chloe gaped at him in shock as Aubrey laughed at her friend's reaction.

"I definitely need that drink now. Where are we going?" Chloe asked, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Bellas?" Aubrey suggested.

"Good idea, we haven't been there in ages." Chloe replied.

"Chloe, we were there last week." Aubrey said.

"A week is a very long time when you work here." Chloe responded before she turfed Aubrey out of the seat so she could sit down.

* * *

Beca Mitchell was sleeping, tangled up in her sheets, when the incessant ringing of her phone woke her up. She groaned and clicked answer before bringing the offending object to her ear.

"Jesse, please tell me there's a good reason you just woke me up." She mumbled.

"It's 5pm Becs and you have a gig at Bellas in three hours." Her best friend's voice said on the other end of the phone.

"Shit." Beca replied. "Thanks, dude." She rolled out of bed, the phone tucked in the crook of her neck.

"I'll come and pick you up in an hour." He said, his voice a mixture of amusement and exasperation.

"You're a life saver." She said before hanging up. She headed to her bathroom turned on the shower before she began stripping off. Her eyes avoiding her body for as long as they could. When the shower was hot enough, she stepped inside and began washing. A few seconds later and she watched the water run scarlett, the newest cuts on her arms and legs had reopened under the jet of the shower. A small sigh escaped her lips as she carefully cleaned them, wincing as the soap made contact. "Stupid." She muttered, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against the tiled wall. Her hand reached up to the shower and increased the heat. Beca bit down on her lip before she increased it again. Her body screamed as the hot water pounded it. After a few seconds she gave in and returned the shower to its original temperature.

An hour later and she was dressed in a pair of jeans and a zip up hoody. Her hair was lightly curled and her trademark dark eye makeup was in place. She opened up her guitar case and double checked that she had everything before she heard the beep of Jesse's car. She swung the guitar case over her back before leaving the apartment. She waved to Jesse who popped the lid of the trunk so she could put her instrument in.

"Dude, didn't you learn anything from last time?" He asked, looking at her clothes.

"What?" She replied.

"You're gonna burn up under those lights. You should wear a t-shirt or something." He said, pretending not to notice the way she absentmindedly tugged at her sleeves.

"Great idea." She muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Something I should know about?" He asked, turning the key and starting his car.

"Everything's fine, Jess. I don't do that shit any more." She lied easily. He didn't say anything. "Wanna check?" She said, her heart pounding uncomfortably. "Don't trust me?"

"I believe whatever you tell me, Becs." He said with a sigh. He knew he couldn't afford to lose her trust. Without him, Beca would be totally alone. And an alone Beca is not a good thing.

"Good." Beca replied, regretting her small outburst.

About ten minutes before she was due to go on, the familiar feeling of nervousness and panic rose up inside Beca. Her head was getting crowded again.

_You're gonna fuck this up_.

She shook her head slightly.

_You can't do this._

_Failure._

_Loser._

"Becs, are you okay?" Jesse said, breaking Beca from the battle with her thoughts. Beca excused herself to go to the bathroom. Locking the door behind her, she closed the toilet seat and sat on it before she rolled up the sleeve of her hoody.

_Do it._

Her chest felt tight. She closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath but it didn't help. It felt like she couldn't get enough air into her lungs. She reached into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a razor blade which was wrapped in a piece of tissue.

_Do it you fucking loser._

* * *

Chloe and Aubrey took a seat at a table near the back of the bar. Chloe took a long swig of her beer.

"God I needed that." She said, smiling at the bottle.

"You sound like such an alcoholic sometimes." Aubrey said, sipping her drink and shaking her head.

"Do you know anything about who's playing tonight?" Chloe asked, nodding towards the stage. Aubrey shook her head.

"Some girl who's just moved to town apparently." Aubrey said. "Don't go falling in love again, Chlo'."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chloe said, rounding on her friend.

"Every time we see a musician here you claim to fall in love with them." Aubrey said, raising her eyebrows as if daring Chloe to disagree.

"I happen to find talent attractive." Chloe said, shrugging as she took another drink.

"Okay ladies and gentlemen," a man on stage said, tapping the mic before he spoke, "give a big hand for a young woman making her début on the infamous Bellas stage. Please welcome, Beca Mitchell!" There was a polite round of applause as the man left the stage. Chloe was staring, open-mouthed.

"Did he just say Be-"

"Uh, hey everyone. I'm Beca." Beca said, standing in front of the mic. Chloe couldn't believe her eyes.

"Oh my god." She whispered. It was her. Really her. The same hair, same confident smirk, same trademark eye makeup.

"Let me guess," Aubrey sighed, "you're in love?"

"'Bree that's Beca! _The_ Beca!" Chloe said, grabbing her friend's arm and squeezing it.

"_Beca_ Beca?! Your best friend from high school?!" Aubrey said, staring at the petite girl on stage.

"Yes!"

"The Beca you were insanely in love with but never told?"

"Yes!"

"The Beca who moved away when she was seventeen and left you broken-hearted?"

"Yes, 'Bree! Shush she's singing!" Chloe said, exasperated.

While Chloe and Aubrey were having their muttered conversation, Beca had started speaking again.

"So, uh, here's a bit of Bon Iver to get us started." She said, moving away from the mic. She took a deep breath and began strumming the guitar, playing the opening chords of Skinny Love. As soon as her fingers moved across the frets and strings her mind cleared. The black cloud which usually filled her head seemed to fade away. A smile spread across her face. She approached the mic again.

"_Come on skinny love just last the year,_

_Pour a little salt we were never here._"

Beca's clear alto voice rang out throughout the bar, silencing every muttered conversation. Chloe's eyes instantly filled with tears. Beca's voice seemed to fill the redhead and make her heart constrict. She wanted to both laugh and cry and how beautiful the sound was. The longer the song went on the better it got. Both her guitar playing and her voice were faultless.

"Um, Chlo'?" Aubrey whispered to her open-mouthed friend.

"What?" Chloe whispered back, not taking her eyes away from the stage.

"You're going to break my arm." She said. Chloe looked down. She hadn't realised she was still squeezing Aubrey's arm.

"Sorry." She said, returning her attention to the stage where Beca was playing the last few chords. When she stopped she gave the crowd a shy smile and she received a generous applause.

"Thanks." She said, a little breathless. She began re-tuning her guitar as she spoke to the bar. "Okay, so, I don't know how to whistle, and you kinda need to for this next song. So I was wondering if you guys could help me out. Can you all whistle?" Chloe wolf-whistled in response and there was a ripple of laughter around the room. "Whoever that was, thank you." Beca said with a laugh. "Um, I'm sure you'll know this one. If you don't just whistle when everyone else does." She placed both hands on the microphone and began singing, slowly, without music.

"_Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby,_

_Let me know,_

_Girl I'm gonna show you how to do it,_

_And we start real slow,_

_You just put your lips together,_

_And you come real close,_

_Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby..._"

She placed her hands on her guitar and gave the crowd a smirk.

"_Here we go._"

She stepped away and started playing and the crowd whistled (or sang to the tune of the whistling). Her face broke into an enormous grin as she heard the crowd singing. She stepped back up the mic, still playing, and began rapping.

"_I'm betting you like people,_

_And I'm betting you love freak mode,_

_And I'm betting you like girls that give love to girls,_

_And stroke your little ego._"

"'Bree!" Chloe squealed, grabbing Aubrey's arm again. "'Bree she's rapping. She's actually rapping!"

"Arm, Chloe!" Aubrey said, trying free her arm from Chloe's grasp. Once the song finished she received an even bigger cheer. A bartender came to the edge of the stage and said something in her ear. Beca said something back and a second later he was there with a bottle of water.

"To the dude who just bought me a drink, thank you, that's very sweet. I should point out though that I, uh, bat for the other team." She held up the bottle of water. "Cheers for this, though." The crowd laughed again.

"Did she just... She's... 'Bree, she just said she was gay, right? I'm not making that up?" Chloe said, her heart thumping.

"That's what she said." Aubrey said, rolling her eyes and laughing at her friend.

"I am going to marry that girl." Chloe said, a determined smile on her face.

"You say that about every chick or dude with a guitar." Aubrey pointed out.

"No, I say that I want to fuck every chick or dude with a guitar but she," Chloe took a deep breath, "she is going to be my wife."

Two songs later and Beca had finished her set. She gave the crowd a small bow and a wave before she left, their applause still ringing in her ears.

"Good job Becs." Jesse said when she'd put her guitar in the tiny room that served as a dressing room and returned to the bar.

"Thanks." She said, adrenaline still racing through her veins.

"Nice set, kid." The owner said, handing her an envelope of cash. "Wanna do another one tomorrow?"

"Sure." Beca grinned.

"Drink?" Jesse asked as she took a seat at the bar.

"Triple whiskey." She said.

"You kept that talent quiet when we were kids." An achingly familiar voice said. Beca's stomach had done about four backflips by the time she turned around. Chloe was standing there, smiling, her red hair perfectly curled, falling lightly at her shoulders. Her shocking blue eyes exactly as she remembered them.

"Chloe." She breathed out. She felt like her heart had stopped.

"Hey stranger." Chloe said, a shy smile playing on her lips.

* * *

**Songs used: 'Skinny Love' - Bon Iver & 'Whistle' - Flo Rida**


	2. I Missed You

**A/N: Big massive bone-crushing hugs to all of you who read/reviewed/favourited/followed! I am consistently overwhelmed by how amazing and supportive and nice this fandom is. Bless you all!**

**Trigger warning again for this chapter - my inbox is once again always open for anyone who wants/needs a chat :)**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters**

* * *

"Holy shit! Chloe! I... I can't... Dude!" Beca stammered out before the grinning redhead pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. Beca winced as Chloe put pressure on her cuts but she didn't care. Her favourite person in the world was hugging her. The person she had spent the past four years wondering about, dreaming about, was holding her, planting sloppy kisses to her cheeks. "God, I missed you." Beca whispered.

"I missed you too." Chloe whispered back, squeezing Beca tighter. Beca hissed slightly. "Are you okay?" Chloe asked, releasing Beca from the hug.

"Fine." Beca said, still grinning. "Oh, uh, Chloe this is my friend Jesse. Jesse this is Chloe Beale, my best friend from high school."

"Oh, _Chloe _Chloe?" He said, shaking her hand. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Nice to meet you." Chloe said. "This is my friend and room-mate Aubrey." Beca shook her hand and Jesse shook it after. "Do you wanna get a drink?"

"Definitely." Beca said, unable to tear her eyes away from the beaming redhead.

"Well I gotta go." Jesse said, stifling a yawn. "Becs are you gonna be okay getting home?"

"Yes, Jess." Beca said, gritting her teeth. As much as she liked Jesse, he really made her feel like a child sometimes. "Also, dude, it's super early to call it a night, especially on a Saturday."

"Some of us didn't take a four-hour nap in the middle of the day." He said, smirking as the brunette blushed.

"Thank you Jesse." Beca said. Chloe giggled and Beca's stomach erupted in butterflies again.

"Aubrey, how about you?" Chloe asked.

"Sorry, Chlo'. I'm beat." She replied. "Try not to be too loud when you get home tonight."

"When am I ever loud?" Chloe said, causing both Beca and Aubrey to simultaneously snort with laughter. Chloe looked between the two.

"Well, I mean I know it's been a long time but you were never a quiet one, Red." Beca said, smiling at her friend. Chloe's chest fluttered slightly at the sound of her old nickname. Aubrey gave Chloe a quick hug and Jesse patted Beca on the back before they both left. "What are you drinking?" Beca asked Chloe once they had left.

"I can get it." Chloe said, reaching for her purse. Beca placed her hand on Chloe's.

"What are you drinking?" She said, giving Chloe the most genuine smile she had given in weeks.

"Just a beer." Chloe said, removing her hand from her purse and giving Beca a shy smile.

"Whiskey and a beer please." Beca said turning to face the bartender.

"Triple?" He asked.

"Please." She replied. He handed over the drinks and Beca paid. They found a quiet table and sat with their drinks, neither of them wanting to look away from the other. "It's been so long." Beca said softly.

"I know." Chloe said, a little sad. "I meant to get in touch but you know how it is."

"Yeah. Look, all those years ago I didn't want to leave. My dad, he... he made me." Beca said, running a hand through her hair, dragging her short nails across her scalp, wishing she could dig in harder.

"It's okay." Chloe said, putting her hand on top of Beca's. "I remember how your dad was."

_**"Beca how can you be wearing a jacket in this weather?!" Chloe asked, astonished. "It's like a bazillion degrees!"**_

_**"Bazillion?" Beca asked, smirking at her friend.**_

_**"Just take it off, will you?" Chloe said, playfully whacking Beca in the arm. Beca winced. "Becs?"**_

_**"I'm fine." Beca said. Chloe wasn't having any of it. She reached across and pulled the zip of her jacket down. "Chloe." Beca said, tears filling her eyes. "Please don't look." Her voice was a cracked whisper. Chloe felt her heart break. Beca never cried. Ever. Chloe slid the jacket from Beca's shoulders and immediately gasped at the sight, her hands flying up to her mouth. The tops of Beca's arms were covered in deep purple bruising.**_

_**"Jesus, Beca." Chloe whispered, tears filling her eyes. "Did... did your dad do this?" Beca nodded.**_

"Earth to Beca?" Chloe said, giggling at Beca's vacant expression.

"Sorry." Beca said, smiling slightly. The flashback was still burning in her mind.

"Still wandering off into your head I see." Chloe said.

"Yeah, I guess." Beca tried to smile again but her black cloud was returning. She had missed Chloe more than she could say but now, she just wanted to be alone.

"Hey, everything okay?" Chloe asked, aware that her hand was still resting on Beca's.

"Fine. Just... just tired." Beca said, forcing a smile that she knew Chloe could see through.

"Then let's get you home." Chloe said, smiling warmly. Beca couldn't help but smile back.

"Give me a minute, I just need to grab my guitar." Beca said. She returned a few minutes later with her guitar case on her back and her eyes a little brighter. "Where do you live?" Beca asked as they exited the bar. Chloe told her, her address. "Yeah, I have no idea where that is, you're going to have to lead us there."

"Why?" Chloe asked, puzzled.

"Well, I'm walking you home, aren't I?" Beca said as though it was obvious.

"And then who will walk you home?" Chloe said, eyebrows raised.

"I'm a big girl, Chlo'." Beca said, rolling her eyes.

"A big girl who hasn't lived here very long." Chloe pointed out. "I've been here since I left high school. So I'll be walking you home and I'll just phone a cab from your place." Beca eventually agreed to her suggestion and they began the thirty minute walk to Beca's place.

"So did you go to college here then?" Beca asked, her heart beating uncomfortably as Chloe linked her arm through Beca's.

"Yep, Barden University. I graduated a few months ago." Chloe said. "I want to be a writer but at the minute I just work at that bookshop Pages with Aubrey."

"Oh awesome. I can imagine you being a great writer." Beca said. Chloe blushed slightly.

"What about you though, miss rock star? How long have you been playing?" Chloe said, nudging Beca.

"I started guitar when I was eighteen and started doing shows last year so not very long really." Beca said, frowning as her head started fogging up again.

_She doesn't care._

"And what made you move out here?" Chloe asked.

"Well after my dad dragged me to the other side of the country I kind of ran away. I met Jesse and we lived together for a couple of years until he got offered a job teaching music here. I didn't think I'd be able to come with him but then my dad died and I got a shit load of inheritance money. So I bought my own place. Jesse made friends with the bar manager and convinced him to let me do a set." Beca said, trying to shake off the combination of voices and bad memories that were flooding through her head. Chloe inched her way down Beca's arm and entwined their hands. For a second or two, Beca's mind was totally clear and she felt her chest expand. But then the thoughts came back, stronger than ever.

"I'm sorry your dad died, Becs." She said softly, squeezing her hand.

"Don't be. He was a prick." Beca said, smiling down at their linked hands. "So you still don't get personal boundaries, huh?"

"Nope." Chloe said, grinning brightly. Pretty soon they reached Beca's little house. She flicked on the light switch and cringed at the mess.

"Sorry I wasn't really expecting any company." She said, gathering the bottles and takeout containers from the coffee table in her hands and dumping them in the kitchen. Chloe chuckled lightly.

"You always were messy, Becs." Chloe said, taking a seat on the sofa. She pulled out her phone and ordered a taxi.

"Do you want a drink while you wait?" Beca asked once she'd hung up.

"I probably shouldn't, I have work in the morning." Chloe said and Beca nodded before disappearing into the kitchen and returning a few seconds later with a glass of whiskey. She needed something to dull the roar of voices in her head and cutting wasn't really an option right now. "So, Beca Mitchell, I was wondering if I could get your number."

"Absolutely you can get my number." Beca said, a little too eagerly. Chloe giggled as Beca took Chloe's phone and saved her number. Chloe did the same with Beca's. When they re-exchanged phones Beca suddenly realised how close they were. Chloe's eyes wandered down to her lips and Beca gulped slightly.

_She doesn't want to kiss you._

Beca squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again.

"Okay?" Chloe asked, her hand resting lightly on Beca's knee. Beca nodded. Just as Chloe began to lean towards her, a beep from a car outside broke them apart. "That'll be my cab." She said with a nervous laugh.

"Yeah." Beca said, standing to hug Chloe goodbye. "I'll, uh, see you soon I guess." Chloe gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Don't be a stranger." She said as she left. Beca watched the car drive off before dropping back on the sofa. Her elbows dug painfully into her thighs as she gripped her hair with her hands, her head resting in them.

_Pathetic._

"Stop it." Beca muttered, squeezing her eyes shut and gripping her hair harder.

_We both know what comes next._

"Stop it." Beca said, louder.

_So just do it._

"Stop it!" Beca shouted, standing up and letting out a frustrated cry. She stormed into the bathroom and discarded her clothes before slamming the door shut. She opened the bathroom cabinet above the sink and located a small tin at the back, hidden behind various bottles of medicine and tubes of toothpaste. She opened the tin and picked up the sharpest razor, cleaning it under the tap before she began her nightly routine.

* * *

The next morning Chloe was at work, her smile becoming a permanent feature. She was standing by a shelf, a pile of books at her feet and a tin of polish in her hand.

"Tell me again why you're cleaning the cookery section?" Aubrey asked, spinning on her chair.

"Because I can't just stand about doing nothing 'Bree. The day goes by so slowly when there's no jobs to do." Chloe said, spraying polish on the dusty shelf and cleaning it with the cloth in her other hand.

"And why might you want the day to go fast? Are you, by any chance, going back to Bellas tonight?" Aubrey asked, a knowing smile on her face.

"Maybe." Chloe grinned.

"So how was your night with the alt-girl?" Aubrey asked.

"Pretty awesome." Chloe said, moving over to the cash register so she could speak a bit quieter. "I mean," Chloe paused, wondering if she should continue, "she was a bit... Off."

"How do you mean?"

"Like, she was her usual self but then suddenly she just changed. It was as if someone just flicked a switch in her head." Chloe said, frowning at the memory.

"She was probably just tired, Chlo'." Aubrey said.

"Yeah." Chloe said, knowing that wasn't the real reason Beca's demeanour had changed. But she wasn't about to tell Aubrey all of Beca's past so she carried on cleaning, singing softly to herself.

"Nice voice, Red." A voice said from behind her.

"Glad you think so Mitchell." Chloe replied, turning to face the small brunette. "What brings you here?"

"I was in town getting some lunch and I thought I'd drop by." Beca said. Chloe took in her appearance. She certainly looked a lot happier that she had done the night before. "See something you like?" Beca smirked at the redhead.

"Always." Chloe replied with a wink. Beca blushed slightly and Chloe giggled.

"Anyway, can you recommend anywhere for food around here?" Beca asked.

"Ooo there's a great sandwich place accross the road." Chloe said.

"Care to join me?" Beca asked.

"I would love to!" Chloe said, excited. Aubrey cleared her throat. "I mean, if that's okay with you Aubrey?"

"And you're going to finish cleaning the shelves when?" Aubrey asked, trying not to smile at her friend.

"As soon as I get back, I promise!" Chloe said, moving into the back of the shop and grabbing her coat and bag. "Thanks 'Bree!" She grabbed Beca's hand and pulled her from the shop.

They crossed the street and were soon sitting in a booth in a small restaurant, both with a sandwich and fries in front of them. Chloe watched in amusement as Beca opened her sandwich and began pulling out the tomatoes.

"Why did you order tomatoes if you don't like them?" She asked.

"Because you like them. You always got my tomatoes, remember?" Beca said, as if it was obvious. Something inside Chloe twisted. She remembered all those times when they were younger and Beca would pile up the tomatoes on the side of her plate, ready for Chloe to take them.

"Yeah." She said softly, reaching across and taking one. "Thanks, Becs." They spent the rest of their lunch reminiscing about the good times they'd shared at school. "Shit." Chloe said, looking at her watch.

"What?" Beca asked, finishing the last of her fries.

"I should have been back five minutes ago." Chloe said, standing up.

"I'll walk you back." Beca said, causing Chloe to grin again.

"So, I'll see you tonight?" Chloe asked as they returned to the shop. Beca nodded.

"Any requests?" She asked.

"'Titanium' is her favourite." Aubrey said, not looking up from her crossword puzzle. Chloe's eyes went wide and her face went scarlet. Luckily for her, Beca didn't seem to notice.

"Good choice." Beca said as she left the shop.

"What did you just do?" Chloe breathed as the door closed.

"Next time you won't be late back from lunch, will you?" Aubrey said, a satisfied smirk on her face.

* * *

"You're up, Becs." Jesse said as they waited in the tiny dressing room.

"What?" Beca asked, suddenly panicked. Jesse had turned up at her place as soon as she had gotten back from her lunch with Chloe, desperate to hear all the details, and consequently Beca hadn't had any time to herself. She was planning to slip off to the bathroom again but apparently that wasn't going to happen.

"It's 8pm." He said, standing, extending his hand to pull her to her feet.

"I'll be right out." She said, taking a steadying breath. He gave her a look before turning and leaving.

_Fuck up._

_Loser._

_Freak._

She closed her eyes before pulling her hand back and then slapping herself across the face, as hard as she could. Pain radiated through her and the voices quietened.

"Beca, come on." Jesse said, knocking on the door.

"Coming."

Chloe was sitting by the bar, eagerly awaiting the brunette's appearance. When she stepped on the small stage the crowd cheered, most of them remembering her from the night before.

"Hey guys." Beca said, raising her hand as she greeted the crowd. "I'm Beca." Chloe studied her. She didn't have the confidence she'd shown the night before. Her eyes were darting slightly and her smile kept slipping. The red mark on her face caused a flutter of panic to rise up inside her. Once Beca started playing the tension seemed to leave the brunette. Chloe relaxed slightly as Beca seemed to transform back into herself again.

"Hey, it's Chloe, right?" Jesse asked, taking a seat beside the redhead. Chloe nodded. "Is it just me, or does she have a red mark on her face?" He asked with a small sigh.

"It definitely looks that way." Chloe said. "How did she get that?"

"No clue." Jesse replied, even though he had a good idea of how she'd done it. "So, you're the famous Chloe Beale?"

"Famous?" Chloe said.

"You're all she used to talk about." He said with a small grin. Chloe smiled before taking another drink.

"We were really close." Chloe said by way of an explanation.

"I'd worked that much out." He said laughing. Beca's song finished with a round of applause. Chloe refocused her attention on the small brunette and noticed how the confidence she had gained during the song was beginning to slip.

"Is she okay?" Chloe asked, the nervous feeling in her stomach reappearing. Jesse sighed a little.

"I don't know how Beca used to be before she moved away, but things haven't been easy for her." He said, not wanting to give too much away. "She has bad days. Days where she'll be fine one minute and then her whole mood will change. And you know how stubborn she is, it's almost impossible to get her to talk about it." Chloe nodded. "Please don't tell her I said any of this." He paused before carrying on. "I mean, you probably know her better than I do."

"She's always been a one for putting her walls up when anyone gets close." Chloe said.

"Yeah, well now they're fortified castle walls with a damn moat and a dragon guarding it." Jesse said with a hollow laugh. "You just have to ask yourself if you're prepared to fight through all that. Because if you aren't, it's best not to lead her on."


	3. What Did You Do?

**A/N: Because I love the crap out of you all, here's another chapter. **

**Self-harm trigger warnings again.**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

* * *

Chloe didn't see, or hear from, Beca for about a week. There was a constant feeling of nervousness and anxiety in the pit of her stomach that she couldn't shake. She had text Beca a few times but had only gotten sparse replies. She didn't want to push the brunette, however so she just waited for Beca to text her.

"For goodness sake, stop moping." Aubrey sighed, exasperated at the redhead's miserable expression. "Just call her, will you?"

"I don't want to be too forceful." Chloe said. She jumped up so she was sitting on the edge of the counter.

"Since when have you been worried about being forceful?" Aubrey asked.

"I don't want to push her away."

"Text her then." Aubrey said. Chloe opened her mouth to argue. "Just do something. You're a nightmare when you're miserable." Chloe finally gave in and pulled out her phone, sending Beca a text.

**Chloe: Hey stranger, wanna hang out tonight? Please? Pretty please? (am I coming off desperate? Yes? Good, because I am) xx**

She hit send.

Beca was having a bad day. Strike that, a bad week. She was lying in her bed, tossing and turning, desperate to try to sleep. She had lost track of the time, lost track of the days. Her black-out curtains were pulled shut in her bedroom, the only light coming from the screen of her phone. She wasn't sure when the last time she slept was. Or ate. Or anything. She reluctantly picked up her phone and checked the time. She was surprised to find that it was almost 5pm. With a groan she accepted defeat and moved into the living room, squinting her eyes against the harsh daylight. She put her phone on the coffee table and sat on the sofa, reaching for the almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels. She switched on the TV and took a long swig of the whiskey, wincing as it burned her throat. The buzz of activity in her head quietened for a second. Her phone vibrated against the coffee table. It was a text from Chloe. A ripple of guilt ran through her at the thought of the girl she had been accidentally ignoring for a week. She did want to hang out with Chloe. Desperately. But she knew that Chloe would be able to see through any kind of act she tried to pull. She couldn't risk that. She knew Chloe would want to help but she wasn't about to dump all her problems on her. She tapped out her reply and hit send.

**Beca: Sorry for disappearing, Red. Would love to hang out but I've felt crap all day. Don't want to risk infecting you with my germs. We can meet up soon though, I promise x**

She felt another spasm of guilt at the thought of disappointing Chloe.

_One of your only friends and you're treating her like shit._

She swallowed the last mouthful of whiskey.

_She probably doesn't care any way. None of them do._

She pulled her knees up to her chest and pressed her face into her knees.

_Jesse's sick of you. Soon Chloe will be._

She drove her hand into the side of her head.

_Why are you even still here?_

Beca let out a small sob. She reached for her phone, about to dial Chloe's number but stopped herself.

_Put it down, idiot._

She did. She left the living room and headed for the bathroom, turning the shower on at its coldest setting. She pulled the silver tin from the cabinet and took a razor out after she removed her clothes.

_Do you think she'd stick around if she found out?_

She sliced the skin along her stomach, having pretty much ran out of room on her arms. A hiss of pain escaped her lips.

_She'd run for the hills._

She did it again. The blood beginning to slowly drip down her stomach.

_She'd think you're disgusting._

She did it again before climbing into the shower. She gasped as the icy water thundered down on her. She began shivering violently as the water at her feet became streaked with blood. The cold was so intense she almost threw up. But, at last, the voices had gone. She breathed a sigh of relief as she turned the shower up to a more comfortable temperature. The tightness in her chest had eased. She washed her hair and body before stepping out and pulling on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. She returned to the sofa and lay down, the sound from the TV washing over her. Now that her head had calmed down, it wasn't long before she was drifting off to sleep.

It felt like a second later that the knock at the door woke her up. She opened her eyes blearily, falling from the sofa with a thud. The knocking continued. She picked up her zipped hoody and threw it on quickly before she made her way to the door. Chloe was standing there, a small smile on her face.

"Hey." Beca said, sleepily.

"Sorry, I know you said you couldn't hang out but I had this feeling that you weren't okay." Chloe said taking in Beca's appearance. Beca stepped aside to let Chloe in and said a silent thank you to herself for remembering to clean up her mess in the bathroom. "Are you feeling better?"

"A little, yeah." Beca said, gesturing for Chloe to take a seat on the sofa. Chloe noticed the empty bottles of Jack Daniels and beer but didn't say anything. "Do you want a drink or food or anything?" Chloe held up a bag.

"I brought snacks." She said, smiling. She handed Beca a can of cream soda and packet of Reese's Pieces. Beca smiled, a warm feeling surging up inside her. "They're still your favourites?"

"Yeah." Beca said softly. "Thanks Chlo'." Tears had brimmed in the brunette's eyes.

"Becs, are you getting emotional at a can of soda?" Chloe said, causing Beca to laugh slightly. She shook her head.

"It's been one of those days, you know?" She said. Chloe took the snacks from her hand and gave Beca a long hug, pressing her lips to the top of her head. It took Beca a few seconds to respond but soon she was gripping the fabric of Chloe's shirt, closing her eyes as she breathed her in.

"You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?" Chloe said softly, not letting the brunette go. "You can say anything. Tell me anything. I'll still be here when you're done talking." She said, her hand gently running down Beca's back. Beca didn't speak. She just listened to the steady heartbeat of the redhead holding her. Chloe didn't need, or expect, her to speak. She was content just being there for her. Beca could feel a voice in her head trying to break through but as long as Chloe was there, the voice couldn't get through. It was a scrambled angry whisper that Beca could ignore.

"Thank you." Beca whispered after almost five minutes of silence. Chloe took that as her cue to release her from her grasp.

"You don't have to thank me, Becs. I'm your friend, it's what I'm here for." Chloe said, brushing the hair from Beca's face, feeling her forehead burning underneath it. "You're hot."

"Thank you." Beca smirked, trying to patch a hole in her crumbling wall with humour.

"I mean hot as in you're burning up." Chloe said with a laugh. "Although you are _hot_ hot too." She said with an added wink. "You should take your hoody off."

"I'm fine." Beca responded, a little too quickly. Chloe opened her mouth to argue but stopped herself.

"If you say so." She said, not wanting to push her. Beca let out a small sigh. "Wanna watch a movie?"

"Sure." Beca replied. She didn't like movies, but she liked them better than the direction their conversation was heading. Beca started up her Netflix and told Chloe to pick one before she excused herself to go to the bathroom. Truth be told, she was burning up. She wanted nothing more than to pull her hoody off but knew she'd never be able to do that. So she splashed cold water against her face and on the back of her neck. She lifted up her hoody and t-shirt to inspect the cuts to her abdomen. They had started bleeding again when she was hugging Chloe, but looked like they had stopped now.

_Idiot._

She left the bathroom immediately and dropped on the sofa beside Chloe. Chloe pressed play on the movie and pushed Beca down so she could lie with her head on her chest, her hand draping over her stomach.

"Still a fan of cuddling then?" Beca said, amused.

"Only with you Becs." Chloe replied, grinning.

An hour later and Beca was almost dozing off. She hadn't realised that Chloe's hand had begun absentmindedly trailing under her hoody. It wasn't until Chloe's fingers brushed against her skin that Beca jolted. The contact burning her. "Beca?" Chloe asked, sitting up.

"Sorry. Uh, fell asleep and had one of those dreams where you trip." She lied, hoping Chloe couldn't see through it.

"It is pretty late." Chloe said, accepting Beca's story. "I should probably go."

"No." Beca said, a little too quickly. She didn't want Chloe to leave. She was scared of what would happen if Chloe left. "I mean, you can if you want. But don't feel like you have to." Chloe smiled at her.

"Okay, Becs." She lay back down on the small brunette, her thumb stroking her exposed hip-bone. The small act of affection sent Beca's heart pounding. "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer honestly?" She asked after a little while.

"S-sure." Beca stammered, her mouth dry, her heart thumping.

"Are you okay? Like, really okay?" She said, feeling Beca's heart against her head.

"Ah ha." Beca answered, her voice unusually high. Chloe sat up and looked at her, her eyebrows raised. "I'm fine." Chloe didn't say anything. She just watched as Beca sat up, pulling her knees to her chest.

"Okay." Chloe said, a little sad. "But nothing you say will change how I feel about you. I hope you know that."

"And how do you feel about me?" Beca asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"The same way I've always felt, Beca. I like you. _Like_ like you." Chloe said, dropping her gaze as tears filled her eyes. "Sorry. I get that you probably don't feel the same. It's been a long time."

"Chloe. Look at me." Chloe looked up, her blue eyes boring into Beca's. Beca cupped Chloe's face with her hands and brought their lips together slowly. Tenderly. "I _like _like you too." Chloe breathed out a laugh, closing her eyes as she rested her forehead against Beca's. The noise in Beca's head reached a crescendo but she ignored it, focusing on the gorgeous redhead in front of her. Her breathing was a little laboured. Chloe brought her hand up to rest on her chest.

"Relax, Becs." She said softly. Beca nodded, her eyes still screwed up. "Will you talk to me? Please, Beca. You keep saying you're fine but I know you. Something's going on and I want to help."

"You'll think I'm a freak." Beca whispered, her voice broken the way it had been when Chloe found out about her abuse, all those years ago.

"Beca Mitchell, look at me." Chloe said, her voice stern. Beca opened her tear filled eyes. "I will never, ever think that about you." She brought their lips together again. It was only meant to be a chaste kiss but Beca deepened it, her hands moving up Chloe's back. The redhead let out a small moan before her hand slipped under Beca's shirt, accidentally brushing against her cut stomach. Beca winced. "Beca?"

"It's fine." Beca said, moving to kiss her again. Chloe stopped her, lifting the girl's shirt up.

"Fucking hell Beca, what did you do?"


	4. No Daughter of Mine

**A/N: Slightly shorter chapter this time but hopefully it gives you some insight into the voices Beca hears.**

**Also thank you for the reviews and follows and what not :)**

**Trigger warning, as per.**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

* * *

Tears were spilling down both their faces, Chloe's hand was gently running across the cuts on her stomach.

"Are there any more?" Chloe asked, fighting to keep her voice steady. Beca nodded. "Can I see?" Beca felt like she couldn't breathe as she slowly nodded again. She unzipped her hoody but stalled.

"Please don't freak out." She said before she inched the jacket from her shoulders. Almost every inch of her arms was covered in white, pink and red lines. No piece of skin was left un-scarred. Chloe choked back a sob. Beca then stood and inched her jeans down her thighs, revealing even more.

"Jesus, Beca." Chloe said. Beca pulled her jeans back up and perched on the edge of the sofa.

"If you need to leave then you should." Beca said after a small silence. Her voice was quiet but steady.

"What?" Chloe moved so she was sitting next to her, her hand resting on her knee.

"This is a lot to take on. I'm a lot to take on." Beca's resolution was breaking but she was determined to give Chloe her chance to leave. "I'm not easy to be around."

"Beca, I've known you most of my life. I'm not about to run away." Chloe knelt in front of her. "I'm not leaving. You need to believe me when I say that."

"Look at me." Beca said, gesturing to her arms. "I'm fucking disgusting Chlo'. Why wouldn't you leave?"

"Because I love you!" Chloe shouted in frustration. "I fucking love you, okay? I've been in love with you since we were kids. Since before I even knew what love was."

"Chloe..."

"I know this is going to be hard, okay? I know that. I know you aren't going to stop overnight. But this will be so much harder if you're constantly questioning why I'm still here. So, please, just let me help you. Let me love you and don't ask me why." Tears were spilling down Chloe's cheeks.

"I love you too." Beca whispered, her hand closing over Chloe's. Chloe's heart swelled and a smile spread across her face, despite everything. "And I'm sorry. I think... I think I need help."

"Then I'll help you." Chloe said. Beca started crying. Hard. Chloe pulled her into her arms and gently stroked down her back as the brunette sobbed into her shoulder. "It's going to be okay, Becs." Chloe stood and lead Beca to the bedroom, sitting the exhausted girl on the edge of the bed. "I'm staying the night, okay?" Beca nodded. "I just need to call Aubrey and then I'll be right back." She gave Beca a kiss on the forehead before leaving the room. She grabbed her phone and called Aubrey.

"Aubrey Posen." The blonde answered.

"'Bree, you know it's me, why answer the phone like that?" Chloe said with a small laugh.

"Force of habit. Where are you?"

"Still at Beca's. I'm staying the night, just wanted to let you know." Chloe said, rubbing her eyes.

"Staying the night? Wow, that escalated quickly." Aubrey said, laughing.

"I'll fill you in tomorrow, okay?" Chloe said, lowering her voice. "Night 'Bree." She ended the call and returned to the bedroom. Beca had changed into a baggy t-shirt and a pair of shorts, looking smaller and more vulnerable than ever. She handed Chloe some clothes to change into.

"The bathroom's just through there." Beca said, gesturing in the direction of it.

"Come on Becs, you know me." Chloe said with a wink before she began changing right in front of her. "I'm pretty confident about all this."

"You should be." Beca said with a laugh. Once Chloe had changed she climbed into bed beside Beca, allowing the brunette to cuddle up to her. They lay together in a comfortable silence for a while, the redhead gently running her hand through Beca's hair.

"Remember the time I was hit by a car when we were twelve?" Chloe asked.

"That was one of the scariest moments of my life." Beca said, the memory flooding back to her.

"You were so sweet to me that day."

_**"Beca, honey, you need to stay calm, okay?" Her mom said, clasping Beca's hands.**_

_**"Is she going to die?" Beca asked, tears spilling down her cheeks at a rapid rate.**_

_**"No, of course not. She's fine, she's just in the hospital, that's all." She said, wiping the tears from her daughter's cheeks.**_

_**"Can we go see her? Please, mom." Beca said, trying to calm herself down.**_

_**"Sure baby."**_

_**Half an hour later and Beca was cautiously approaching the bed where the sleeping redhead lay. Chloe opened her eyes at the sound of Beca's light footsteps.**_

_**"Hey Red." Beca said, taking a seat beside the bed.**_

_**"Hi." Chloe responded, her eyes filling with tears.**_

_**"Are you okay?" Beca asked, panicked.**_

_**"Beca I'm going to have a scar." Chloe said, her hand moving to touch the bandage on her forehead. "I'm going to be ugly."**_

_**"Scars are cool. Harry Potter has one." Beca said. Chloe laughed despite herself. Nervously, Beca reached out and took Chloe's hand. This surprised the redhead. Beca was never one to initiate physical contact. "You could never be ugly, Chloe." Beca said, her eyes fixed on their hands. "Not to me anyway."**_

"I think that was the day I fell in love." Chloe said softly, her mind drifting away from the memory. Beca took Chloe's hand and squeezed it. They lay in a comfortable silence for a while. "When was the first time you did it?" Chloe asked, her hand lightly brushing against Beca's arm.

"Seventeen." Beca said, the memory of it causing her chest to tighten.

"Do you remember why?"

"Dad told me we were leaving." Beca said, turning to bury herself in the crook of Chloe's neck.

_**"Dad, please! I'm begging you!" Beca said as her dad started shoving her clothes into her bag. "I don't want to leave." Tears were in her eyes.**_

_**"Stop fucking crying, Beca! I've said we're moving and that's the end of it." He said, opening her drawers and grabbing clothes.**_

_**"But why? Just give me a reason." She said, her heart thumping as she watched him unceremoniously tear apart her room.**_

_**"Because I don't have a job here anymore! That's why! Just fucking grow up, will you? Just like your fucking mother." He said, throwing open the third drawer down, and pulling out the clothes inside. A notebook dropped out and landed on the floor, falling open. Her dad stopped what he was doing and bent to pick it up.**_

_**"Dad... Dad give me that, please." Beca said, her throat tight with fear.**_

_**"What is this?" He asked, his voice scarily quiet.**_

_**"Just my diary." Beca said, reaching to take it from him. He pushed her back.**_

_**"'I think I'm in love with Chloe.'" He said reading aloud from the page. "'I've never felt this way about anyone before. She's all I think about.'" He looked down in disgust at his daughter. "Beca, what the fuck is this?!" He threw the diary on the floor.**_

_**"I... I love her." Beca said, her voice small and scared.**_

_**"No." He said, shaking his head. "No daughter of mine is going to be a dyke."**_

_**"Dad, please. Please, don't say that." Beca said, crying.**_

_**"Your mother might have indulged this kind of thing but I certainly won't. You won't see Chloe again, do you understand me? You'll pack up the rest of this room. Anything that isn't in the car by 1pm tomorrow is getting left." He said, his face red with anger.**_

_**"I have to say goodbye to her." Beca said, her voice trembling. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. A second later his hand made contact with the side of her face.**_

_**"I didn't want to do that." He said, his voice calm now. "Pack up your room, Beca." He left, calmly closing her door and sliding the lock accross it. Beca reached under her pillow and pulled out her phone and dialed Chloe's number.**_

_**"Hey Becs, everything okay?" Chloe said upon answering.**_

_**"C-Chloe." Beca said, her voice shaking with sobs. "My dad, he said... He said we're leaving. Tomorrow."**_

_**"What?" Chloe asked.**_

_**"We're leaving. I d-don't want to b-but he's making me. He says I c-can't say goodbye." Beca dissolved into sobs and she heard Chloe do the same.**_

_**They stayed up all night talking over the phone as Beca packed up her room. At around four am, Chloe said her battery was about to die. The phone cut out halfway through her goodbye and Beca started crying again. Her face was still throbbing but she didn't mind the pain. In fact, it helped her focus. Her dad's voice was still ringing in her ears. Her eyes fell upon a pair of scissors that she was yet to pack. She picked them up, and opened them, holding them above her arm. Her dad's voice got louder.**_

_**Dyke.**_

_**Fucking grow up.**_

_**Stop fucking crying.**_

_**She dug the blade of the scissors into her arm, dragging it across. A gasp of pain escaped her mouth. Her dad's voice faded away as the blood began to seep out of the new cut on her arm.**_

Beca was crying by the time she finished the story. She was clutching Chloe as hard as she possibly could, terrified that if she let her go then the redhead would vanish. Chloe was pressing gentle kisses to Beca's head.

"We're back together now." Chloe murmured, pulling Beca impossibly closer. "Your dad can't hurt you any more. He can't pull us apart."


	5. What Are We?

**A/N: Another shorter chapter. Also feels like a bit of a filler chapter, but things are going to start heating up soon, so please stick with me :P**

**Trigger warning.**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

**I do not own any songs mentioned.**

* * *

_**"Mom! Mom, please wake up!" Fifteen-year-old Beca cried, shaking the lifeless body of her mother. "Don't leave me here alone with him!" An empty bottle of pills had rolled from her open hand and a trickle of froth spilled from the corner of her mouth.**_

Beca woke up with a jolt, tangled in her sheets again. Chloe was fully dressed, perched on the edge of her bed, a sad smile on her face.

"Bad dream?" She asked, watching Beca try to catch her breath. She nodded. "I was just coming to wake you up." Chloe said, moving so she was sitting beside the girl. "You wanna talk about it?"

"It was just about when mom died. I get them all the time." Beca said, resting her head on Chloe's shoulder. Chloe vividly remembered when Beca's mom had died. She had never seen anyone so devastated.

_**"Do you wanna talk?" Chloe asked, sitting on Beca's front-step beside the small brunette. Beca shook her head. In her house behind her was her mother's wake. She had to get away from it. Had to get away from the constant glaring of her dad. Chloe closed her hand around Beca's. "I'm really sorry Becs."**_

_**"I just can't believe she left me. Left me to deal with him on my own." She said in a hushed voice. **_

_**"You're always welcome at my house Becs. You don't have to live with him." Chloe said, squeezing her friend's hand.**_

_**"He's the only family I have now."**_

"Are you okay?" Chloe said, kissing her forehead. Beca smiled.

"Yeah. I'm just gonna take a shower." Beca said, sitting up to give Chloe a quick kiss. She stood from the bed and headed for the bathroom.

"Wait." Chloe said as Beca's hand rested on the door handle, a towel slung over her arm. "Are you... are you going to be, you know, okay?" Chloe asked, a little nervous for Beca to be alone. Beca bit her lip slightly, thinking. Now that the images of her nightmare were fading away she didn't feel bad. Her head was clear and she didn't have the panicked feeling in her chest. She knew she didn't need to, and wasn't going to, cut.

"I'll be okay, Red." Beca said. Chloe raised her eyebrows slightly. "Everything's... Everything's good. You know? Like, with my head and stuff. It's all clear." Beca tried her best to explain herself.

"Okay, Becs." Chloe said, deciding to give her the benefit of the doubt.

About half an hour later Beca returned to the living room, dressed and showered. Her arms were now covered in a flannel shirt and she seemed much more relaxed than she had the previous night. Chloe was sitting on the sofa, a plastic bag at her feet and two sandwiches on the table.

"When did you get these?" Beca asked, confused.

"I wake up crazy early." Chloe said, unwrapping her sandwich and handing Beca hers. "I popped out for a few supplies while you were sleeping."

"You didn't have to do this." Beca said, smiling as she realised Chloe had gotten her favourite.

"I wanted to." Chloe said, taking an enormous bite of her sandwich. She tried to speak but her voice was muffled by the amount of food in her mouth. Beca giggled at her. "Sorry." Chloe said, swallowing her mouthful. "I said, I did some research this morning."

"Research on what?" Beca asked, laughing at the amount of food Chloe had on her face.

"Self-harm." Chloe said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh." Beca said, her eyes dropping slightly.

"Hey." Chloe nudged Beca's knees with her own. Beca looked back up. "We're going to beat this thing."

"I've done it for four years, Chlo'. I haven't beat it yet." Beca said, trying to lower Chloe's expectations.

"But you've been doing it alone. Now you have me." She said, brightly. "And I always get my own way, Beca. You should know this by now." Beca allowed herself a small smile.

"Come on then, tell me about your research." Beca said, finishing up her sandwich.

"Okay." Chloe said, grinning as she pulled a list of stuff out of her bag. "So, I read that a good way to quit is that you wear a rubber band around your wrist and whenever you get the urge to cut, you snap the band against your wrist." Chloe pulled out a ball of rubber bands and slipped one around Beca's small wrist. Beca pulled and released it, the sharp pain was instant but only lasted a few seconds. She didn't know how effective it would be but she was willing to try. "I also got you some of this." She pulled out a bottle of Bio-Oil. "You don't have to use it, it's totally up to you. But it should help some of your scars fade. Probably not the white ones but the newer ones." She said, a little hesitantly. "I don't want to you to think that I'm asking you to try to get rid of your scars. I just thought that it might make you feel better if they weren't so... prominent." She looked uncertainly at Beca.

"You're amazing." Beca said softly, before turning and pressing their lips together. Chloe smiled into the kiss.

After Chloe had popped home to pick up some clothes and her laptop, the two were just lazing in her bed. Beca was lying with her head at the foot of it, quietly playing her guitar with her eyes closed. A look of pure contentment on her face. Chloe was sitting, back against the headboard, and her laptop resting on her legs. She was supposed to be writing but she couldn't take her eyes of the small brunette.

"Am I distracting you?" Beca asked, opening her eyes to see Chloe staring at her.

"Only slightly." Chloe replied, blushing slightly. She returned her eyes to her laptop. Beca stopped playing for a few seconds, before she started up again. Chloe's eyes went wide as she began playing the opening notes of 'Titanium'. Chloe closed her laptop and moved it to the floor. "Beca Mitchell, do you realise what that song does to me?"

"Aubrey told me." Beca said, a mischievous smile on her face. She stopped playing and put her guitar on the floor, changing her position so she was lying on her front. "Can I ask a question?" Beca asked, nervously playing with the sheet on her bed.

"Sure." Chloe replied, mimicking Beca's position so their faces were close together.

"What... What are we? Like," Beca pulled a face, annoyed at her own in-articulateness, "I know we haven't been on any dates. But we've known each other so long it's like we've already dated, you know? And... And I love you. I just want to know where we're at." Chloe reached across and took Beca's hand.

"How does girlfriend sound?" Chloe said, her smile matching the one that spread across Beca's face.

"It sounds pretty great."

* * *

That night, Chloe was sitting at the bar in Bellas with Aubrey and her girlfriend Stacie, waiting for Beca to come on. Chloe had been nervous to leave the small brunette by herself but Beca assured her she was okay. Beca walked on stage with her usual confident smirk. She greeted the crowd with a raise of her hand and approached the mic.

"Hey guys. Uh, this one goes out to my girlfriend." She said, shooting Chloe a small smile.

"Aca-scuse me?" Aubrey said, her mouth open, staring at Chloe. Chloe had the biggest grin on her face as Beca started playing 'Bonfire Heart'.

"You heard her." Chloe said. When Beca reached the chorus, she sang the words directly to Chloe.

"_Days like these lead to,_

_Nights like this lead to,_

_Love like ours,_

_You light the spark in my bonfire heart._"

Tears had sprung to the brunette's eyes and they were matched in Chloe's. The redhead's heart was soaring.

"She's hot." Stacie muttered.

"And she's mine." Chloe said, unable to wipe the smile from her face.

After Beca finished her set she went to the bar for a drink, intending on joining the girls at a nearby table.

"Whiskey and a vodka and coke please." Beca said, ordering hers and Chloe's drinks. She paid and tried to make her way back to the table when a man bumped into her. "Sorry." She said, trying not to spill the drinks.

"Whatever, dyke." He said, brushing past her.

_Dyke._

Her head clouded up for a split second, her dad's voice ringing in her ears. As she approached the table, a smile from Chloe seemed to quiet it.

"Becs, this is Aubrey's girlfriend, Stacie." Chloe said, gesturing to the tall brunette sitting beside Aubrey.

"Nice to meet you." Beca said, extending her hand for Stacie to shake.

"Ditto. That was a great set, by the way." Stacie said.

"Thanks." Beca was having difficulty keeping the smile on her face and began snapping the rubber band against her wrist. Something which didn't go unnoticed by Chloe but was ignored by the couple opposite. Chloe moved her hand so it was resting around Beca's waist.

"Okay?" She asked quietly. Beca gave a nod and pulled at the band again.

_"No daughter of mine is going to be dyke."_

She snapped it back again.

_You're disgusting._

She did it again.

_Your dad thought so._

Again.

_Everyone thinks so._

It snapped in her hand. Beca stared down at it, unsure what to do. While Aubrey and Stacie were in conversation, Chloe reached into her drink and pulled out an ice-cube, placing it Beca's hand. "Squeeze it." Chloe said softly, searching Beca's face for a sign that she was okay. The brunette's fist closed around the ice. The longer she held it, the more it hurt, and the better she felt.

"Thank you." Beca breathed in response. Chloe's hand moved up her back and came to rest in her hair. She turned Beca's head so the sides of their heads were pressed together.

"Do you want to go?" Chloe asked, ignoring the questioning looks she was getting from Aubrey and Stacie.

"No. No I'll be okay." She said, her breathing relaxing. "God, you're amazing." She laughed before pressing her lips to the redhead's. Aubrey cleared her throat.

"Sorry." Chloe said, blushing.

"For the record, I'm not sorry." Beca said, her easy sarcasm and confidence returning as her hand linked with Chloe's under the table.

"I wouldn't be either." Stacie said with a wink.

* * *

**Songs used: 'Bonfire Heart' - James Blunt**


	6. You're Amazing

**A/N: First of all, sorry this chapter wasn't posted yesterday. I got some pretty bad writer's block on this chapter and couldn't finish it last night. I'm also not super happy with it. It's short and is a bit of a filler but consider this chapter as the calm before the storm. Anyway, I apologise in advance.**

**No trigger warning for this chapter.**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters**

* * *

During their first few months together, Chloe found that being in a relationship with Beca was like dating two different women. One was the confident and sarcastic, yet secretly sweet, girl she had fallen in love with as a teenager. The one who would serenade her while she was trying to write. Who would turn up to her work and take her out to lunch. Who agreed to watch movies with her, even though she hated them. Who would stand on that stage and blow her mind.

But then there was the other Beca. The Beca who would lie awake at 3am, sobbing silently, hoping Chloe couldn't hear. Who would whisper her biggest fears and darkest secrets in the comfort of Chloe's arms. The Beca who struggled to get out of bed. Who would drink heavily and refuse to eat. Who would do her very best to hurt herself.

Chloe had to admit that it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy watching someone she loved so much hurting. She had suggested on several occasions that Beca go and see a doctor but the brunette refused. So Chloe just tried to be there for her and enjoy the glimpses of the old Beca when she got to see them.

"Come here." Chloe said softly, gathering her sobbing girlfriend in her arms. She glanced at the alarm clock and saw that it was 2am.

"C-Chlo'... It's t-too hard." She said, her voice shaking.

"I know, baby." Chloe soothed. "It's going to get better, I promise." She ran her hands through Beca's hair, singing softly to her until her breathing evened out and she fell asleep.

The next morning and Chloe woke up to the sound of Beca singing from the kitchen, making breakfast. She pulled on a dressing gown and followed the sound of Beca's voice, finding the brunette dancing with her headphones on. She was still in her shorts and t-shirt that she'd slept in and her hair was tied in a messy ponytail. She was beautiful.

"Morning." Chloe said, wrapping her arms around the brunette's waist.

"Hey." Beca said, grinning. She turned around in the redhead's arms and brought their lips together. "Thank you for last night."

"Anytime." Chloe replied, smiling into their kiss. "Did you have a dream, or...?" Beca shook her head.

"Just, you know, the usual." Beca kissed her again.

"Your head again?" Chloe asked, moving her hands up so they were draped over Beca's shoulders. Beca nodded.

"I feel better now." Beca said.

"That's good." Chloe said, kissing Beca on the head. "The bacon's burning."

* * *

Later that day and Chloe and Aubrey were at work, Chloe's head resting on the counter.

"Why are you so tired?" Aubrey asked, nudging her after she was tutted at by a customer.

"I'm fine." Chloe said, rubbing her eyes.

"Chloe." Aubrey said, her eyebrows raised. Chloe sighed.

"Beca had a bad night, that's all." She said, resting her head back on the counter.

"Oh." Aubrey said, moving around so she could rest her hand on her friend's back. "I'm sorry, Chlo'."

"I knew what I was getting myself into." Chloe said, yawning. "She's worth it."

"Just... Just be careful, okay?"

* * *

A few hours later, Chloe arrived at Beca's, looking exhausted and a little miserable.

"Okay there Red?" Beca asked as Chloe dropped onto the sofa.

"Fine." Chloe said, staring off.

"Come here." Beca said, lying Chloe's head on her lap and running her hands through her hair. "What's up?"

"It's nothing important." Chloe said, smiling up at her girlfriend.

"Important or not, its upsetting you. So tell me what it is so I can kick its ass." Beca said, causing Chloe to giggle.

"Stacie's moving in with Aubrey. I mean they've been together for, like, ever so it makes sense. It just means I have to move out and look for a new place." Chloe said, frowning.

"Why don't you just move in here?" Beca asked. Chloe sat up.

"Becs, are you serious? You want me to move in?" She asked.

"Uh, yeah? I mean, if you want to." Beca said, suddenly nervous she had said the wrong thing.

"Of course I want to!" Chloe squealed, a grin spreading across her face. She pulled Beca into a hug and began covering her in kisses.

"Dude!" Beca laughed, trying to fend Chloe off. Chloe carried on kissing and tickling her until the pair ended up on the floor, Chloe pinning Beca down, their faces inches apart. Chloe's hair fell down either side of Beca's face, closing off the rest of the world so that the only thing Beca could see was Chloe. Biting her lip in that way she does. "You're so beautiful. Roomie." Chloe leaned down and brought their lips together.

"Roomie." Chloe said, her breath tickling Beca's neck. "I love you."

"Love you more."

* * *

A few weeks later and Chloe was moving in, the last box of her stuff was being carried in by Jesse.

"Thanks for helping, dude." Beca said when he placed it in the living room, sweat dripping down his face and back. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a can of coke for him.

"Thanks." He said, holding it against the back of his neck. "So, you excited?"

"So excited." Beca said, grinning. Jesse smiled, he had never seen her look so happy.

"Where is she?" He asked, taking a seat on the sofa.

"Hanging out with Aubrey. Last night was their last night as room-mates together so I think she's feeling pretty bummed." Beca said, sitting beside him. "So, how's the job going? I feel like we haven't hung out in a while."

"We haven't. You've been too busy kissing the face off that girl of yours." He said with a laugh. Beca whacked him on the arm. "Work's good. The kids seem to like me anyway. There's this one girl, she looks so much like you."

"Yeah? Poor kid." Beca said, picking up Jesse's coke and taking a swig.

"Dude!" He said, taking it off her.

"What are the other teachers like?" She asked.

"Gym teacher is a tool, obviously."

"Obviously." She repeated.

"The English teacher is super fit though. But I think she hates me." He said, finishing his drink.

"Did you try to chat her up with your movie bullshit?" Beca said, laughing.

"Maybe. I think I need to read more books." He said, setting the empty can down. "I gotta go, speak soon Becs." He said, giving her a hug.

"Thanks for your help today." She said, hugging him back.

A few hours later and Chloe returned home to find that everything was unpacked and all of her stuff had its own place. Beca was in the kitchen making dinner when she heard the door open.

"Hey!" She said excitedly, wrapping her arms around the redhead.

"Becs, you didn't have to do all this." Chloe said, looking around the spotless house.

"I know. But I wanted to." She said, leading Chloe into the kitchen which was filled with candles. "It'll be ready in five." She said, sitting Chloe down and pouring her a glass of wine.

"Baby..."

"I just want you to know how much I love you. And how thankful I am that you came back into my life." Beca said. "Things aren't easy with me but you've never complained. And I know I'm not better yet but I feel like I'm getting there. And that's all thanks to you. You're amazing." Chloe stood and pulled Beca into a hug.

"I love you."


	7. I've Got You

**A/N: Hello my lovelies. Big thank you to all the reviewers/readers/followers etc.**

**Trigger warning**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters**

* * *

_**"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Beca's dad asked, standing in her bedroom doorway. She was clutching a bag, hovering half-way through her bedroom window. In two long strides he reached her and pulled her back into the room. She landed hard on the ground, a groan slipped out of her mouth. "You trying to run away?" He threw a kick to her ribs.**_

_**"Dad, please." She whimpered. He raised his fist. "Dad! I'm your kid! I'm your little girl, why are you doing this?" She cried, her voice shaking. He paused and slowly lowered his fist and sank onto her bed. Beca scrambled to her feet and took a cautious step towards the door. "I'm going." She said softly.**_

_**"Where?" He asked, staring at his still clenched fist.**_

_**"I don't know." She replied, taking another step back.**_

**_"No." He said, standing and moving towards her. "You're staying here." Beca ran, almost tripping down the stairs in her haste. "Come back!" She reached the front door but it was locked. "Beca!"_**

"Beca. Sweetie, wake up." Chloe said sleepily, gently shaking the sleeping brunette. Beca woke up, her breathing erratic. "You were just dreaming." Chloe took the girl in her arms and stroked down her back.

"Sorry." She said softly. Beca glanced at the clock. 5am. "Shit, I'm sorry Chlo'."

"That's okay, baby." Chloe murmured, pressing her lips to Beca's head.

_She's tired._

_She's miserable._

_It's your fault._

"Stop it." Beca whispered, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Stop what?" Chloe yawned.

"My... My head... It's... Sorry." Beca said pressing her hands into her eyes.

"Okay." Chloe said, rolling out of bed. "Come on." She took Beca's hand and lead her into the living room, sitting her on the sofa. She switched on the TV and pulled Beca into her side while flicking through the channels with the remote. "Say when." She said, stifling a yawn.

"When." Beca said, when the TV landed on cartoons. Chloe put the remote down and put her arm around Beca. She then asked Beca about all the characters in the cartoon they were watching, forcing the brunette to stay out of her head. Around an hour later and Chloe had to get ready for work.

"Are you going to be okay?" Chloe asked. "I can call in sick."

"No, no I'll be fine." Beca said.

"Okay. If you need me just call." Chloe said, kissing her as she left. "Love you."

"Love you too." Beca said, deciding to head back to bed, hoping to sleep away most of the time that Chloe would be gone.

* * *

Chloe arrived at work lacking her usual perkiness. Her exhausted demeanour becoming more and more frequent.

"Another bad night?" Aubrey asked, concerned for her friend. Chloe shook her head.

"Just an early morning." Chloe said, yawning.

"Well I'd tell you to go and nap in the back but the manager's coming in today." Aubrey said with a sigh.

"Shit." Chloe said, her face dropping into her hands. "I'm gonna go and drink my body weight in coffee."

* * *

Beca was sitting on the edge of her bed, playing guitar. Or attempting to, anyway. Something was wrong. The music wasn't easing her mind and her frustration at being unable to play was making it worse. She let out a frustrated groan and put her guitar down, pacing around her home for something to distract her. She was beginning to regret her hasty decision to give Chloe all of her razors last week.

_**Chloe was gently wiping the droplets of blood that were still forming on Beca's arm. It was the first time she had properly cut in weeks. Beca watched, a feeling of guilt rising in her as Chloe's eyes filled with tears.**_

_**"I'm sorry, Chlo'." Beca said, her voice cracking. Chloe shook her head.**_

_**"It's just a relapse. It was bound to happen." She said placed a band-aid on the cut and pressed her lips to it. "I have something to ask you." She said, her thumb brushing across Beca's arm.**_

_**"Anything." Beca said, gently wiping the tears from Chloe's cheeks.**_

_**"Can I see whatever you used? I just want to make sure you're not going to get infected or anything." Chloe said. Beca took a small breath before she nodded, taking Chloe by the hand into the bathroom. She reached into the back of the cabinet and pulled out her metal tin. She paused before she handed it over, her thumbs brushing the dented edges.**_

_**"Take it. Get rid of it." She said, pushing it into Chloe's hands.**_

_**"Are you sure about this?" Chloe asked, taking it cautiously.**_

_**"Yeah. Yeah, it's too tempting. I know it's there and I think about it all the time." Beca said, snapping her new rubber band against her wrist.**_

_**"Okay." Chloe said, giving Beca a small smile. "I'm so proud of you."**_

Beca was still pacing, snapping the band against her wrist.

_There are knives in the kitchen._

She shook her head, her snapping increasing.

_There are knives in the kitchen._

The band snapped in her hand and she swore, reaching into her pocket and pulling on another one.

_There are kn-_

"OKAY!" She shouted. "Okay." She headed to the kitchen and held the knife in her hand, staring at her reflection in the blade. "Okay." She breathed. She held it against her arm.

_Do it._

Her phone buzzing in her pocket distracted her. She pulled it out, the knife still closed in her left hand.

**Chloe: Having the worst day ever! Dick-head manager is here, she's the worst! Can't wait to get home to you tonight for pizza and cuddles. Love you, baby xxx**

Beca's heart melted slightly. She instantly dropped the knife and stepped away from it.

* * *

Chloe sat in the coffee shop near the bookshop on her break, miserably staring into her fifth coffee of the day. She was tired, grumpy and worried about Beca. Her phone buzzed on the table.

**Beca: Love you too. Text me when you leave work and I'll order the pizza and get your favourite movie ready xxx**

Chloe smiled and tapped out her reply.

**Chloe: You're too cute. Are you feeling better? xx**

**Beca: Not cute, badass. Don't forget that xx**

Chloe's stomach twisted slightly at Beca's avoidance of her question but she didn't want to push her.

**Chloe: You cried over Reese's Pieces. Badass rep is ruined, sweetie. xx**

**Beca: As far as I'm concerned, that never happened. Hurry home so I can look after you xx**

The smile crept to Chloe's face again.

**Chloe: Yep, total badass xx**

A few hours later, Chloe returned home to find a bottle of wine, a giant pizza, the menu screen of her favourite movie playing on the TV and Beca smiling from the sofa.

"Hey." Beca said softly, opening her arms. The redhead sat beside her and buried herself in Beca's arms. "Lousy day?"

"The worst." Chloe said, closing her eyes. "How was yours?"

"Not bad. Thank you for this morning." Beca said, kissing Chloe's forehead.

"You can't help having nightmares, Becs." She said, curling her legs underneath her, her eyes still closed.

"I know, but I still feel bad about waking you up." Beca said, running her hand through Chloe's hair. Chloe didn't reply. "Chlo'?" Beca glanced down to see that she had fallen asleep. Beca chuckled lightly and continued gently playing with the girl's hair.

* * *

A few days later and Beca was waiting backstage at Bellas, waiting to go on and do a set. The bar manager came in, hovering at the doorway.

"Okay, kid?" He said, looking around the room to see that it was empty apart from Beca. Beca gave him a nervous nod. "You'll be great. You're a real talent."

"Thanks." She said, giving him a small smile. He moved further into the room.

"I mean, you've got the whole package, haven't you?" He said, closing the door behind him. Beca's heart began thumping uncomfortably.

"What, uh, what do you mean?" She said.

"Well you aren't bad to look at, are you?" He said. Beca's hand went into the pocket of her hoody where her phone was sitting. She pulled it out and texted Jesse as quick as she could. She knew he was at the bar getting her a drink, whereas Chloe hadn't arrived yet.

**Beca: Help.**

"Who are you texting?" He asked, looking at her phone.

"My girlfriend." She lied, quickly. She shoved the phone back into her pocket. He let out a snort of laughter and moved towards her.

"How would you like to make some extra money?" He said, taking another step closer, his voice quieter.

"No thank you." Beca said, her voice barely a whisper.

"Come on, don't pretend you don't want this." He said, his hand sweeping down her arm.

"I'm gay." She said, her eyes filling with tears. "And I have a girlfriend."

"Don't fuck me around here kid. I've let you play in my bar countless times. I've paid you more than you deserve. I feel like you owe me a little something." His hand came up cup her cheek. Beca squeezed her eyes shut. The door of the room swung open.

"Beca?" Jesse said. The bar manager spun around, and Beca made her move, pushing past him and Jesse, her guitar in her hand.

"Hey!" The manager called out. She stopped, standing terrified behind Jesse. "Don't fucking show your face in here again." She ran out, Jesse hot on her heels.

"Beca! Hey, wait up, will you?" He said grabbing her arm. Her mind went into overdrive and she pushed him away.

_**"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"**_

Her breathing became erratic and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Becs, it's okay." He said, scared to touch her. "It's me. It's Jesse." She opened her eyes, her breathing and heartbeat still a little too quick. "Beca, was he doing what I think was doing?" She nodded, her eyes full of tears.

"What's going on?" Chloe asked, approaching the pair. Beca turned to see her and threw her arms around the redhead, burying her head in the crook of her neck. Chloe shot Jesse a confused look and her lead the pair outside, carrying Beca's guitar. They sat on a wall outside, Beca still clinging to Chloe, her eyes squeezed shut again. In a low voice, he explained to Chloe what had happened. The redhead's grip getting tighter and tighter. Beca had totally zoned out, getting lost in her head, being hit repeatedly by flashbacks.

_**"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"**_

_**"Don't fucking show your face in here again."**_

_**"If you leave this house, don't come back. Don't fucking come back."**_

_**"I feel like you owe me a little something."**_

_**"I'm your dad. I raised you. You're supposed to respect me."**_

"Come on Beca, baby, wake up." Chloe said, softly. Moving the hair from Beca's face. Beca opened her eyes and found that she was lying on the ground, Chloe and Jesse leaning over her.

"What..." She said, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"You passed out, sweetie." Chloe said, sighing with relief as Beca slowly sat up.

"Do you need me to drive you to the hospital?" Jesse asked, his face a little white with worry.

"No!" Beca said, taking Chloe's hand and standing up. "I'm fine." Jesse looked at Chloe who just shook her head slightly.

"Can you give us a ride home?" Chloe asked, supporting half of Beca's weight. Jesse nodded. As they climbed into the car, Beca began to softly cry. "Shh, it's okay. I've got you."


	8. Then Leave

**A/N: Things are gonna get rough, kids. I apologise.**

**Trigger warning.**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters**

* * *

To say that Beca went from bad to worse would be an understatement. In just a few short weeks she had undone all the progress she'd made with Chloe. It started off small. Whenever Beca would wash the dishes, she would submerge her hands in the scalding water, biting down on her lip until the pain got too much. From there she moved on to taking too hot or too cold showers, either burning herself or making herself throw up from the cold. From there she started cutting again. Chloe would come home from work and spot the blood stains on her clothes, or catch her wincing when Chloe hugged her.

"Babe, again?" Chloe asked, an exasperated sigh leaving her lips. She rolled up Beca's sleeve and examined the fresh cuts. "These look deep." She said, cleaning off the fresh and dried blood with an antiseptic wipe. She expected Beca to wince but the brunette didn't react.

"I'm sorry." Beca said, finally. "I'm... I'm struggling."

"I know, baby. And I'm doing my best to help you." Chloe said, tears springing to her eyes.

"You're doing great, Chlo'." Beca said. "You really are. It's just..."

"Not enough?"

"No, that's not what I meant." Beca said, closing her eyes as her head began clouding again. "I can't explain it. I don't know how to explain it."

_She hates you._

"It's okay." Chloe said, her heart breaking at the sight of Beca in such inner distress. "We'll think of something."

* * *

Over the next few weeks Beca got even worse. She wasn't waking Chloe up in the middle of the night anymore because she wasn't sleeping. She would lie in bed, staring up at the ceiling, tears snaking from the corners of her eyes. When the shouting in her head got too much she would slip out of Chloe's arms and head for the living room where she would drink whatever alcohol she could find. Chloe would find her in her morning, passed out with an empty bottle on the ground. Sometimes she'd have new cuts, sometimes she wouldn't.

"Where are you going?" Chloe asked, sleepily one night. Having woken up when Beca left her arms.

_**"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"**_

"Just... Just the living room. Can't sleep." Beca said, shaking the voice from her head.

_She hates you._

"Come back to bed. We can stay up and talk." Chloe said, patting the empty space beside her.

"Chloe you're exhausted. Go back to sleep, I'll be okay." Beca said, bending and kissing Chloe on the forehead. Chloe's hand closed around Beca's arm and she pulled her back on the bed. "Chlo'." Beca said, trying to pull her arm from her grasp. "Let go." Images of her dad flashed in her head.

"No. You're not going in there to drink until you black out. We're going to talk about this." Chloe said, sitting up, noticing the fear and panic in Beca's eyes. "Becs?"

"Please, Chloe. Let go." Beca said, her breathing erratic. Chloe released her arm immediately.

"Sorry." Chloe said, wanting to comfort Beca but not sure how to do it. "Beca, please just sit and talk to me." Beca's breathing had relaxed. "I'm scared, Becs."

"Of what?" Beca said, sounding defeated as she moved back to lie beside Chloe.

"Losing you. I feel like you were making such good progress and then you just spiralled." Chloe said, taking Beca's hand as they lay facing each other. "Is it because of something I did?" She whispered, tears in her eyes.

"Dude, no! No, you... You saved me. I mean, it might not seem that way right now. But... But that night you showed up here. I was ready to... You know..." Beca said, unable to say the words. But Chloe understood and clutched the brunette to her.

"Fuck." She whispered into the crook of Beca's neck. "Fuck, don't you dare ever think about doing that. Understand?" She felt Beca nod against her. "Good."

Chloe took the next day off work, spending it lying in bed with Beca, afraid the brunette would do the usual if she was left alone.

* * *

A week later and Chloe woke up once again to find that Beca had snuck out of the room. She followed the soft sound of the TV into the living room. Beca was lying on the sofa, her eyes slightly glazed as she watched the screen. Her sleeve rolled up and her arm bloodied.

_Everyone hates you._

_Everyone will leave you._

"Fuck, Beca." Chloe breathed out, pinching the bridge of her nose. She went off into the bathroom and returned with their heavily depleted first aid kit. Beca didn't react as Chloe cleaned and wrapped her arm. Tears streaked Chloe's cheeks and she felt Beca's hand move up and brush them away. She cupped Chloe's cheek and her thumb brushed along her cheekbone. Chloe closed her eyes, more tears spilling over the edge. "Beca. We need to talk about this."

"I'm sorry." Beca said, almost monotone.

_She wants to leave._

_She's going to have you locked up._

"Are you?" Chloe said, her voice breaking.

_She's going to have you sent to the loony bin._

"Because it doesn't seem like you are." Chloe said, kneeling in front of her.

_She fucking hates you._

"I... I am..." Beca said, sitting up and putting her head in her hands, gripping her hair tightly. "It's all just... It's too hard."

"In the morning, I'm making you an appointment for the doctor." Chloe said. Beca's head shot out of her hands.

"No. No, please Chlo'. I don't want to do that." Beca said, her eyes wide and childlike.

"This is hurting me, do you understand?" Chloe said, fighting to keep her voice steady. "Watching you do this is hurting me."

"I won't do it anymore!" Beca said, grabbing Chloe's hands. "I promise."

"If it were that easy you would have stopped by now." Chloe said, sadly. "I'm so scared Beca. Every time I leave the house I'm fucking terrified that you won't be there when I get back. That I'll find you lying dead in a pool of blood. Or that I'll wake up in the morning and find that you've choked on your own vomit."

"I'm not gonna kill myself. I don't want to do that." Beca pleaded.

"But one day you're gonna go too far." Chloe said, her voice shaking now.

"Please, baby. Please don't make me do this." Beca said, her voice a whisper. "They'll section me, Chlo'. They'll put me away."

"Maybe that's what you need." Chloe said, her voice low and sad.

_Told you so._

"What?" Beca asked, pulling away from Chloe. "You want me to get carted off to the mad-house?"

_She hates you._

"I want you to stop hurting yourself! I want you to be happy, Beca. That's all I want." Chloe said, her heart breaking as she braced herself for what she was about to say. "Because I can't do this any more. I can't watch you do this to yourself." There was a heavy silence. The kind of silence that you can feel and hear. Chloe could already see Beca's walls flying back up.

"Then leave." Beca said, her voice calm, devoid of emotion.

"Beca..."

"I'm not going to a doctor. So you should probably leave, Chloe." Beca said, her eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. Chloe waited a few seconds before standing and returning to the bedroom.

_Happy now?_

She could hear Chloe sobbing.

_You fucking idiot._

Chloe returned to the living room, fully dressed and carrying a bag.

"Call me when you're ready to get help." She said, her voice steady.

Chloe left the house and climbed into her car. She drove to Aubrey and Stacie's. She knocked on the door, still holding back the tidal wave of pain that she knew was about to hit her. A grumpy Aubrey opened the door.

"Chloe? What the hell? It's 4am." She said, rubbing her eyes.

"C-can I come in?" Chloe said, her voice catching in her throat.

"Sure." Aubrey stepped aside and allowed Chloe in. "What's going on, Chlo'?" Chloe sat down on the sofa and immediately broke down. Her sobs coming out in chokes and gasps as she tried to explain what had happened.

Meanwhile, Beca was numb. Sitting on the sofa and staring at the knife in her hand.

"Just you and me." She said, her voice scarily calm.


	9. I'll Be Right Here

**A/N: Double update, because I love you! :D Here comes the storm!**

**Trigger warning.**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

* * *

_**Beca's hand fumbled with the lock on the door, her palms sweaty and her heart racing. Her dad's footsteps thundered behind her. Just as the lock came free, she was slammed into the door and thrown to the ground.**_

_**"I'm your dad. I raised you. You're supposed to respect me." He said, his chest heaving. Beca was curled into a ball, her hands over her head, trying to shield herself from whatever was coming. He opened the front door. "If you leave this house, don't come back. Don't fucking come back." Beca looked up, cautiously. Her dad had walked away, the front door still open. She scrambled to her feet and ran out the door as fast as she could. When the adrenaline wore off, pain began to seep in. She found a bench and curled up, praying that sleep would find her soon.**_

Beca woke up with a groan. She had fallen asleep on the sofa again. Pain throbbing in her arm and her head banging from the half bottle of vodka she had drunk.

"Chloe's going to kill me." Beca muttered, sitting up and rubbing her head. Then it hit her. Chloe was gone.

_You told her to leave. So she left._

"No." Beca said, softly. Misery began flooding her.

_She was just waiting for an excuse and you gave it to her._

"Fuck!" She shouted, slamming her fist into the coffee table. She stood up and started pacing, throwing her fist into walls and doors. "Stupid!" She said, hitting herself in the head. The sudden violent movement caused her stomach to turn and she barely made it to the bathroom, her stomach emptying into the toilet. Beca's anger abated and she dissolved into sobs, curling on the bathroom floor.

_Let's just get to it, shall we?_

* * *

Chloe woke up with a similar feeling of misery. She was sleeping in her old room, her hand automatically reaching out for Beca, even though she knew she wasn't there. Her hand brushed against the cold sheet where the brunette should have been. She let out a small sob and a second later Aubrey was knocking at her door. The blonde pushed it open and perched on the side of her bed.

"Hey." Aubrey said, resting her hand on Chloe's knee. The redhead's eyes were bloodshot and lacked their usual sparkle.

"Hi." Chloe said, her voice small. "Sorry for just showing up last night."

"You're welcome here any time Chloe. You know that." Aubrey said.

"What have I done, 'Bree?" Chloe's voice broke and Aubrey pulled her into a hug. The sobbing redhead clung to her.

"You've done the right thing. Now she knows you'll only come back if she agrees to help." Aubrey said, rubbing soothing circles on Chloe's back.

"But what if she doesn't want help? What if she doesn't want me?" Chloe cried.

"She loves you. She'll see sense. Come on, we can't be late for work when the big bad wolf is in today." Aubrey said, kissing the top of Chloe's head. Chloe groaned.

"This day can't get any worse."

* * *

A sigh of relief escaped Beca's lips as she dragged the knife across the top of her thigh. She reached for her bottle of whiskey and swore when she realised it was empty. Her head swam slightly from the combination of blood-loss and alcohol but it passed quickly. She eased her black jeans up and pulled on a hoody. She checked her appearance in the mirror. Her face was paler than usual and there were some serious dark circles under her eyes but apart from that, Beca thought she looked acceptable. She left the house and made the five-minute journey to the liquor store. She greeted Benji as she entered. He was working at the store as well as being a part-time magician.

"Hey Benji." Beca said, feeling unusually bright. "Can I get a bottle of Jack Daniels please?"

"Uh sure Beca." He said, not used to her being so cheerful. She paid and left.

_Let's have some fun._

* * *

Jesse felt his phone buzz in his pocket and glanced around, checking none of his students had heard anything. He sat at his desk and sneakily pulled out his phone.

**Benji: Hey Jesse. Sorry to text when you're at work but Beca just came in to buy a bottle of Jack Daniels. She looked really off. Like, she was really happy but there was something in her eyes. Anyway, it's probably nothing but I thought you should know.**

Jesse's stomach twisted. It was only 11am and he wasn't finished work for another two hours. Luckily he didn't have any afternoon classes that day and could leave early if he wanted. A second later he received another text.

**Beca: shegone**

_Oh fuck_, he thought. He quickly sent her a reply, knowing there was no way he could leave work.

**Jesse: I'm at work until 1pm and then I'm coming straight over, okay Becs? Everything's going to be okay.**

* * *

Beca glanced at her phone. She let out a snort of laughter and took another swig of whiskey. She sent off another text.

**Beca: dont worry everything fine**

She threw her phone to the end of her bed.

_Fucking loser._

_Give yourself another scar you fucking loser._

* * *

Jesse stared at the clock, his heart thumping and his stomach turning. The bell finally rang at 1pm.

"Okay guys, don't forget your homework. I want it done by Monday, no exceptions!" He said as he ushered his class out of the room.

"Someone's in a hurry." Lisa, the English teacher said, hovering at his doorway.

"My, uh, friend she just broke up with her girlfriend. I don't think she's taking it very well." He said, pulling on his jacket. "See you tomorrow!"

He climbed into his car and made the 20 minute journey to Beca's, his hands shaking on the steering wheel. Soon he was pounding on her front door.

"Beca! Beca come on, open up!" He shouted, banging again. He could faintly hear music coming from inside. He reached under a plant-pot and pulled out her spare key, before turning it in the lock. "Beca?" He shouted into the house. He followed the music to Beca's room, knocking once before turning the handle. "Oh fuck!" The air was heavy with the smell of blood and whiskey. Beca was lying on her bed, blood covering her arms and the sheets, a collection of empty bottles surrounding her. Her eyes were closed but the steady rise and fall of her chest told him she was still alive. "Beca!" He clamoured onto her bed and shook her. Her eyebrows furrowed and she tried to push him off. Then her face relaxed again. "Beca! Wake the fuck up!" He shook her again and this time she didn't respond. "Fucking wake up, please!" Her eyes opened slowly.

"What?" She groaned.

"What? What?! Are you fucking kidding me?! Look at yourself, Beca. Jesus fucking Christ! What did you do?!" He said, tears spilling down his cheeks. "Have you taken anything?" He asked, looking around at the mass of bottles. She shook her head before her eyes shut again. "Fuck. Fuck I'm calling an ambulance." He said, pulling out his phone. Beca groaned again. "Hey, I need an ambulance." He said into his phone. Beca forced her eyes open and tried to pull the phone from his hand. Her vision swam. "My friend she's, uh, she's cut herself really bad. Like, all over her arms. And she's drunk. Like, wasted drunk." He said, pushing Beca back gently. "It's okay." He said softly, hanging up the phone after telling them her address. "They're coming to help you."

"No!" She said, struggling against him.

"Beca you need help. This can't go on any more." He said, his thumb brushing against the dried blood on her arm.

"I don't want help!" She slurred, gaining some of her strength back. "Why can't you all just leave me to die?!" Jesse dropped her arm.

"What?" His voice shook.

"Let. Me. Die." She said, closing her eyes against the wave of nausea that hit her.

"Ambulance!" A voice shouted from the living room.

"In here." Jesse replied, still staring in disbelief at Beca.

"I don't need an ambulance." Beca said as the two paramedics entered her room. One male, one female.

"Yeah... Looks that way." The woman said. "I'm Lydia, can I take a look at your arms?"

"No." Beca replied, pulling away from the male who was trying to shine a torch in her eyes. "Dude, cut it out."

"Have you taken anything?" He asked.

"She says she hasn't." Jesse answered.

"What's her name, son?" He asked.

"Beca."

"Okay, Beca. I'm Brian. I just need you to stay calm for me, okay?" He said, trying again with the torch.

"Just... Just leave, please." Beca said, her head swimming again.

"Some of these are pretty deep Brian." Lydia said, in a low voice. "We're gonna need to take her in."

"No!" Beca pulled away from them.

"We've got to, honey." She said.

"I'm not going anywhere! There's nothing wrong with me!" She started fighting against them.

"Calm down." Brain said, his voice firm. She didn't. The cuts on her arm reopened and began bleeding again.

"Oh fuck, Beca. Just go with them." Jesse said, a small sob escaping him.

"I said no!" She shouted.

"Hold her down." Brian sighed, going to his medical bag.

"Jesse, is it?" Lydia asked Jesse. He nodded. "Jesse I need you to hold her arms." He shakily pinned her arms against the bed while Lydia held Beca's legs down.

"Jesse, please!" Beca cried, struggling. "Please tell them it's a mistake. Tell them not to take me, please! Please Jess. I don't want to get locked away." She said, crying.

"I'm sorry Becs." He said softly. Brian cautiously approached, a needle in his hand. Beca was fighting so much she didn't even feel the scratch of the needle in her hip. A few seconds later and the tension left Beca's body. Beca's eyes were boring into Jesse's. Her shouting dissolved into pitiful whimperings and cries.

"Jess..." She sobbed as her eyes finally glazed over and closed.

* * *

It was around 3pm when Chloe finally received the phone call she had dreaded receiving.

"Jesse?" She asked when she answered, her voice unusually high. "Is she... Is she okay?"

"Beca's in the hospital." He said, his voice strained. Chloe choked out a sob.

"Okay. Okay I'm on my way." She said, hanging up. "Aubrey I gotta go." Chloe said, trying to hold back her tears.

"Is it Beca?" Aubrey asked. Chloe nodded.

"She's in hospital." Chloe said.

"Chloe? Aubrey? What's going on?" Their manager said, stepping onto the shop floor.

"I have to go, Alice. I'm really sorry but it's an emergency." Chloe said, hastily wiping her eyes.

"Not going to happen I'm afraid Chloe." Alice replied.

"I need to go!" Chloe said, her frustration rising.

"And I said no. I'm sorry Chloe but you can't just leave Aubrey here to finish the day alone."

"I don't mind." Aubrey said, quickly. "Honestly, Alice. Just let he go."

"No." Alice said, folding her arms.

"My girlfriend has just been rushed to hospital." Chloe said, her voice a low growl.

"Let the kid go." A customer said, overhearing their heated conversation.

"What's wrong with her?" Alice said, her resolution weakening.

"I don't know but from what I know about her, I'm guessing it's a fucking suicide attempt." Chloe said, her jaw clenched. "Let me go, or you can shove this job up your ass."

"Fine." Alice said. Chloe was out the door and in her car a second later, speeding towards the hospital.

She ran in and found Jesse pacing the corridor. He was covered in Beca's blood.

"Jesse!" She shouted, running towards him.

"Hey." He said, his voice heavy and sad. He pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry." She said, breaking down and sobbing into his arms.

"For what?" He asked.

"I pushed too hard. I tried to get her to see a doctor and she told me to leave. I shouldn't have, I'm sorry." Chloe cried.

"Hey, shh, it's not your fault. Look, she's going to be alright. I don't think it was a proper suicide attempt." He said, holding her. A doctor approached them and cleared his throat.

"Is she okay?" Chloe asked immediately.

"I need you to put me in touch with her family." He said, looking down at the chart.

"She doesn't have one." Jesse said. "It's just us."

"And you're her boyfriend?" He asked, peering at Jesse.

"No. I'm her girlfriend." Chloe said. "Please, just tell me what's going on."

"Well her injuries were all superficial. And she's had her stomach pumped which got rid of the alcohol and anything she might have taken. She's just sleeping off her sedative right now, but apart from that she is medically fine." He said.

"Sedative?" Chloe asked, confused.

"Apparently she was aggressive and uncooperative at the scene, so the paramedics sedated her." He said. Chloe let out a small sob. "Now, her mental health is another issue." He said, leading them over to a set of seats. "Her injuries were very clearly self-inflicted. She has been deemed a risk to herself so has been sectioned under the mental health act. She will be placed in a psychiatric hospital once she has recovered."

"How long for?" Chloe asked, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"That all depends. She will be evaluated tomorrow and then we will know more." He replied.

"Can I see her?" She asked. He nodded and lead her to her room. Chloe looked through the window and saw the tiny brunette. She was hooked up to machines, both arms were heavily bandaged and her eyes were closed. Chloe slowly opened the door and sat beside her, taking her left hand. The knuckles were bruised and bloodied. She placed gentle kisses along them. Beca stirred. "Hey Becs." Chloe said, her eyes filled with unshed tears.

"Chlo'..." Beca murmured, struggling to keep her eyes open. "Are... Are you real?" Chloe let out a small laugh.

"Yeah, sweetie. I'm real." She said, watching as Beca fought through the haze of drugs. "I'm so sorry I left." Beca slowly shook her head.

"I was an ass-hole." Beca mumbled. "They're... They're going to put me away." She said, her voice small and weak.

"I know, baby." Chloe said, her voice constricting. "But it's going to help you get better."

"I don't want to be alone." Beca said, her eyes glazing over again. "Chloe..."

"It's okay. Go to sleep, Becs. I'll be right here when you wake up." Chloe said, softly brushing the hair from her forehead.

"Love you." Beca said before her eyes closed again.

"I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I'm not super sure how things work in America, but in England if they think you're a danger to yourself or others you can be sectioned under the mental health act.**

**Just in case any of you were confused about why Beca is getting put in a psych hospital**


	10. Take Care in There

**A/N: Hey buddies! I'm gonna need a little suspension of disbelief from you all for the next few chapters. I have no experience with psychiatric hospitals or anti-depressants, so everything I have written is based on what I've learned from books/tv shows/films etc. I'm just going to ask that you stick with me on this, I know most of it won't be accurate but I'm trying to focus more on Beca and Chloe, rather than getting bogged down in the details. Hope that's okay :)**

**Trigger warning**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters**

* * *

Beca woke up the next morning, her head pounding and her arms throbbing. She blinked against the harsh white lighting of the room. She saw Chloe, still holding her hand as she slept in the chair beside her. She tried to sit up but her had span and her stomach turned. She managed to grab the cardboard dish by her bed just in time as she threw up whatever was left in her stomach. She felt Chloe's hand gently rubbing her back as she stopped retching. She put the dish back on the side and lay back down with a groan.

"Okay?" Chloe asked, brushing hair from her face. Beca shook her head, tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Chlo'." She said, her voice a choked whisper.

"I know." Chloe said, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

A nurse entered a few minutes later, a tray in her hands.

"Morning Beca." The nurse said. "Were you sick?" She asked, noticing the dish. Beca nodded.

"Sorry." She said.

"Don't apologise, dear." The nurse said, removing the dish and replacing it with a new one. "Now, I need to change the dressing and bandages on your arms. Maybe your friend should wait outside?"

"I'm her girlfriend. I'm not going anywhere." Chloe said, linking her hand with Becas. Beca smiled at her and squeezed her hand. Chloe moved aside so the nurse could work. She started with her left arm, slowly unwrapping the bandages. Chloe's jaw was clenched, tears in her eyes, as she saw the extent of what Beca had done. The nurse didn't say a word as she cleaned the cuts and re-bandaged them. She then moved on to Beca's right arm and repeated the actions. Chloe let out a small gasp when she saw what Beca had done. Not only was the arm covered in new cuts but the word 'stop' had been deeply carved into her forearm. Beca stared up at the ceiling. Once the nurse had left, Beca dissolved into tears. Chloe sat on the bed and pulled her into her arms. Both girls clinging to each other and sobbing. "Beca, I've never been so scared as I was when Jesse called." Chloe said, gripping the fabric of Beca's hospital gown. "I thought you'd..." She trailed off, her voice giving out.

"I'm sorry." Beca sobbed. "I just... I went too far."

They stayed wrapped in each other's arms until Beca had her psych evaluation. Chloe wasn't allowed to be in the room at the time so went to get some coffee and a sandwich. She called Aubrey as she sat in the hospital cafeteria.

"Aubrey Posen." Aubrey answered, automatically.

"Hey 'Bree." Chloe replied, sounding emotionally and physically drained.

"How is everything?" Aubrey asked.

"She's been sectioned. They're evaluating her now and tomorrow morning she's being put in a psychiatric hospital." Chloe said, her hand propping up her head.

"I'm sorry, Chlo'." Aubrey said. "But at least she's going to be getting help."

"Yeah. Was everything okay after I left yesterday?"

"Alice was pretty pissed but she can't really do anything about it." Aubrey said with a small laugh. "But she told me to tell you to take as long off as you need."

"Great. Listen, I'm probably going to crash here again tonight but do you wanna grab dinner or something tomorrow?" Chloe asked, dreading the moment she would have to be alone.

"Of course." Aubrey said. "Call if you need anything, okay? And give Beca my love."

"I will. Thanks 'Bree." Chloe ended the call and returned to the corridor outside of Beca's room. She was still talking to the doctor. Her hands twisting in her lap. Jesse arrived a few minutes later, taking a seat beside Chloe.

"How is she?" He asked.

"I don't know anymore." Chloe said, sadly. "She seemed more like herself this morning. Thank you for being there for her yesterday."

"She's my best friend." He said, giving Chloe a sad smile. "I'd do anything for her." The doctor left Beca's room and both Jesse and Chloe stood up.

"Are you here for Beca Mitchell?" She asked. They nodded. "Okay, I'm Dr. Gail Abernathy-McKadden, I'm the head doctor at the psych hospital. Now, at the minute I'm recommending a stay of at least a month. That could change though. It all depends on how she responds to the medication and the therapy. Her therapist in there will decide when she is ready to return home."

"Okay." Chloe said, tears in her eyes.

"Can we see her?" Jesse asked.

"Yes, but someone will need to go and collect her clothes." The doctor said.

"I can do that." Chloe said. "What does she need?"

"Just general clothes, underwear, pyjamas that kind of thing. Nothing with anything written on that could be offensive or triggering to other patients. Also, no belts, shoelaces, big sheets, no clothes with drawstrings, razors, glass, medication, or anything that she could use to cause harm to herself or others." The doctor said reading from a list. "The bag will be searched before she can have it just to make sure, but it just makes our job easier if you don't pack them."

"Okay. Okay I'll go and get those. I'll just go and tell her." Chloe said, trying to absorb the information. She entered the room and kissed Beca on the head. "Hey baby. I'm going to pick up your stuff. Then I'll come back and I'll stay with you until you leave tomorrow, okay?" Beca nodded and Chloe kissed her again before leaving.

"You've really landed on your feet with her, Becs." Jesse said as the redhead left. Beca nodded. "How are you feeling?" She shrugged. "Look, I'm sorry I called an ambulance, okay? But you have to see it from my point of view. I found you on your bed, wasted and covered in blood. What was I supposed to do?"

"I'm sorry Jess." Beca said, her voice breaking slightly. He took her hand and squeezed it.

About an hour later, Chloe returned carrying a bag of Beca's things. She also had a can of cream soda and a packet of Reese's Pieces for the brunette. Beca smiled, tearing up, as Chloe handed them to her. Jesse smiled at the couple and kissed Beca on the head before he left.

"Thanks Jesse." Beca said when he was at the door. He smiled.

"Take care in there, okay Becs?" He said. She nodded and he left.

"How do you feel?" Chloe asked.

"I'm scared, Chlo'. I don't want to go there. I don't want to take meds. I don't want to talk to some stranger about the shit that goes on in my head." Beca said as Chloe took her hand.

"I know. But you need to. And I'll visit you as often as I can. And I promise I'll be waiting for you when you get out." Chloe said, her heart breaking at the sight of the brunette so scared and vulnerable.

"I'm gonna miss you." Beca said, pulling Chloe into a kiss.

"I'm gonna miss you too." Chloe said. Beca shifted on the bed and made room for Chloe to lie next to her.

"Please." She said when Chloe hesitated. "It's going to be a long time before we can do this again." Chloe gave in and kicked off her shoes before lying next to Beca, allowing the brunette to curl into her side.

Saying goodbye the next morning was difficult. Both girls cried and clung to each other. Whispering their love in between goodbye kisses. Eventually, the doctor cleared her throat and lead Beca away.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Chloe said, gripping Beca's hand. She had been granted permission to visit Beca by the doctor in order to ease the transition. "I love you."

"I love you too." Beca said, her hand slipping from Chloe's as she was led through a security coded door.

It took nearly an hour before Beca was finally shown to her room. First she had to be searched, then she had to sign forms, then she was given a tour. She sat on her bed and looked around. The room was as she expected it would be. Bare. Sterile. White. There was a small desk and chair in the corner and a barred window that couldn't open.

"Okay, so tomorrow you'll be given your first dose of antidepressants and then the day after you'll start therapy. For now, just get settled. You will meet with your therapist, Dr. McKay, three times a week. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Tuesdays will be Group Therapy and Thursdays you get art therapy." Dr. Abernathy-McKadden said. Beca nodded, already hating the schedule she'd been given. "You get the weekends to do as you please. A nurse will escort you to all your therapies for the first week or so, and then you'll be allowed to do it alone. However, if you try to skip any sessions, then you will be escorted. Any questions?" Beca shook her head. "Okay. Someone will be here to show you to the cafeteria in a few hours." The doctor left Beca alone. The small brunette curled up on her bed, tears slipping from her eyes as she stared at the white wall opposite.

The next day and Beca was on her bed, lying flat on her back. An hour earlier she had just had her first dose of antidepressants but, clearly, they had gotten the dosage wrong. Her stomach was churning and her movements were slow and sluggish. She struggled to lift her arms and focus her eyes.

Chloe arrived at reception and was escorted to Beca's room by Dr. Abernathy-McKadden.

"Now, usually we have a special room for visits but it seems we gave Beca the wrong dose of antidepressants this morning, so you can visit her in her room. It's not uncommon for that to happen. People respond to them in different ways, it usually takes one or two attempts before the right dosage is found." She said, as Chloe was searched.

Beca opened her eyes slowly when she heard her door open. Her eyes fell on Chloe and she tried to reach out for her.

"Hey baby." Chloe said, taking Beca's hand. "Are you okay?" Beca slowly shook her head. "You'll feel better soon, I promise." She said, brushing the hair from Beca's face. She pulled the chair from the desk so it was by the bed and she spent the hour talking softly to Beca as the small brunette stared at her, afraid to look away in case the redhead disappeared.


	11. I Just Need to Hear Her Voice

**A/N: Another chapter for you all :) And yes, Beca's therapist is based on Anna Kendrick's character from _'50/50'_ :P**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

* * *

Beca's hands shook slightly as she knocked on the door of her therapist Dr. McKay.

"Come in!" A chirpy voice said from inside. Beca shot a nervous glance at the nurse who had accompanied her. She gave her a reassuring nod and smile and Beca turned the handle.

"Dr. McKay?" Beca asked as she cautiously entered.

"That's me!" A woman said, brightly. "And, please, call me Katherine." She said, extending her hand for Beca to shake. Katherine McKay looked a lot like Beca. They were a similar height and both had brown hair and blue eyes, but Katherine's eyes weren't clouded by a haze of drugs and misery and her smile wasn't forced. She seemed genuinely happy to see Beca. Katherine gestured to the couch by her arm-chair and Beca perched on it, tugging at her sleeves. "So, Beca, we're gonna start easy today, nothing too heavy. Unless you wanna get heavy then, by all means, hit me with it." She said with a slight laugh. "Okay, I want to know why you're here."

"You know why I'm here." Beca said, staring at a spot on the ground, tugging her sleeves again.

"I know why the doctors think you're here. I want to know why you think you're here." Katherine said.

"I... I just... I went too far." Beca said.

"Went too far?" Katherine scribbled something in her notebook. Beca sighed and rolled up her sleeves, showing Katherine both sides of her arms before she pulled them down again. "So you self-harmed?"

"Yes." Beca said, her jaw clenching. "I'm not... happy." Katherine wrote something else. "I thought we were going to start off easy? This... This isn't easy. Can we talk about something else?"

"What do you want to talk about?" Katherine asked.

"How old are you?" Beca asked.

"27." Katherine said. "You're 21, right?" Beca nodded.

"How long have you been doing this? 27 seems young."

"Well I used to be a therapist for cancer patients. I've worked in psychiatric medicine for," she stared off up to the ceiling as she mentally counted, "two years? Two years."

"How come you changed?" Beca asked.

"A lot of my patients died. Which, obviously had nothing to do with me, I mean, they had cancer. It was just too hard. And I wasn't that good. And I started dating my third patient ever." Katherine rambled.

"Holy shit." Beca laughed. Katherine pointed to a picture of herself and a dark-haired, handsome man. "What's his name?"

"Adam." She said, smiling.

"And he's still...?"

"Oh, yes! He wasn't officially my patient anymore when we started dating. He's, like, fully recovered and everything." Katherine said. "Now, you've just done a very good job of wasting a chunk of our first session. So it's time for you to answer some questions."

"Fine." Beca said, her eyes returning to the ground.

"Favourite song?" She asked. Beca smiled slightly, looking up from the ground.

"The Scientist, Cold Play." Beca said.

"Nice. Favourite food?" Katherine said.

"Reece's Pieces." Beca replied.

"Reece's Pieces aren't food." Katherine laughed.

"Fine, pizza then."

"Favourite drink?"

"Whiskey." Beca said, a little hesitant.

"Non-alcoholic." Katherine said, making a subtle note.

"Oh, uh, cream soda."

"Favourite movie?"

"Hate movies." Beca said.

"But you must have a favourite?" Katherine said, smiling a little as she watched Beca relax slightly.

"Chloe makes us watch the Notebook all the time. It sucks but I guess it reminds me of her. So, that one." Beca said.

"Chloe's your girlfriend?" Katherine asked. Beca nodded. "How did you meet?"

"We met when we were kids. Grew up together and then I moved away when I was seventeen and we lost touch. A few months ago I found her again." Beca said, running a hand through her hair.

"You wanna talk about something else?" Katherine asked, sensing her mood shift. Beca nodded. It had only been two days but she missed Chloe like crazy. "We could talk about your parents?"

"God, no." Beca said. Katherine laughed slightly.

"That bad?" She said.

"Worse." Beca replied. "My dad, anyway." She watched Katherine make a note.

"You wanna talk about him?" She asked. Beca shook her head. "Why don't we call it a day then?"

"Sure." Beca said. Katherine radioed for a nurse to come and escort Beca back to her room.

"I'll see you on Wednesday, Beca. Take your meds, keep out of trouble and," she reached into her pocket and pulled out a rubber band. She slipped it over Beca's wrist, "use this if you get any urges." Beca smiled slightly.

"Thanks." She said, hovering at the door. "Can I call her?"

"Who?" Katherine asked.

"Chloe. Can I call her? I just... I just need to hear her voice." Beca said, her hand fiddling with the rubber band.

"I'll have to stay in the room. I can't leave you alone, I'm afraid." Katherine said.

"That's okay." Beca said.

"Go on then." Katherine smiled, gesturing to her phone. "But this isn't exactly within the rules. So don't go bragging about it." Beca smiled.

"Thank you." She picked up the phone and dialled Chloe's number

* * *

Meanwhile, the redhead was in hers and Beca's place, finally cleaning up. She pulled off the bloodstained sheets and threw them away, replacing them with new ones. She discarded every liquor and beer bottle, full or empty. Her phone buzzed in her pocket.

"Hello?" She said, cradling it in the crook of her neck as she carried on cleaning.

"Hey."

"Becs? Is that you?" Chloe said, sinking onto the sofa.

"Yeah, yeah it's me." Beca said, tears filling her eyes.

"How are you?" Chloe asked, the sound of Beca's voice lifting her.

"I'm... I'm good. I miss you." Beca said.

"I miss you too, baby. I'll come and visit you as soon as I can, I promise."

"I should go. I've hijacked my therapists phone." Beca said, laughing slightly.

"Is he nice?" Chloe asked, smiling at the sound of Beca's laughter.

"He is a she. And she's very nice." Beca said.

"Is she pretty?" Chloe said, with mock jealousy.

"Oh not as a pretty as you babe." Beca replied with a laugh. "And she just heard that and is laughing at me. I have to go. I love you."

"Love you too, Becs." Chloe said, ending the call.

* * *

"Better?" Katherine asked as Beca hung up the phone. Beca nodded with a smile.

"Thank you for that. The rubber band thing, just reminded me of her." Beca said, pulling it back softly.

"Maybe we can talk about it next time?" Katherine said.

"Yeah." Beca said. She gave Katherine a small smile and then followed the nurse to her room.

"I'll come and collect you for dinner in an hour, okay dear?" The nurse said. Beca nodded, dropping onto the bed, her mind full of red hair and blue eyes.


	12. Now We Know What We're up Against

**A/N: Hey there folks, another Katherine & Beca based chapter for you. (I'm glad you all seemed to have liked my decision to include her. She's definitely one of my favourite Kendrick characters :)**

**Trigger warning (Although nothing major, this chapter.)**

**I do now own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters**

* * *

"So it's been, what, a week now? And I haven't really found out that much about you." Katherine said, leaning back in her chair and observing Beca. The small brunette shrugged slightly.

"I'm not good at the whole sharing thing." Beca said, fiddling with the edge of her sleeves.

"Yeah, I noticed. Okay, we're going to play a game." Katherine said, brightly.

"We are?" Beca said, her voice uncertain.

"We are. For every question you answer, you'll get a reward." Katherine said.

"What kind of reward?" Beca said, slightly intrigued. Katherine thought for a second then her face broke into a small smile.

"Now, Chloe is visiting you tomorrow, right?" She asked. Beca nodded. "And you only get an hour?" Beca nodded again. "Okay, for every question you truthfully answer, you will get an extra ten minutes with Chloe. If you answer five, I'll give you a bonus ten."

"So... So I answer five of your questions and I get an extra hour with Chloe tomorrow?" Beca asked.

"Absolutely." Katherine said, watching as Beca thought it over. She seemed hesitant. "Tell you what, if I can guess a fact about you, something that you haven't told me, and I get it correct, then we have to play this game. If I get it wrong, you get one free pass on any question, without losing the ten minutes. Make sense?" Beca thought for a second before nodding.

"Okay." Beca said. Katherine observed her for a second.

"Can I see your hands?" She asked. A confused Beca held out her hands for Katherine to see. The woman turned Beca's hands so they were face up and gently touched the finger tips of both hands. She smiled. "Okay, so, you're left-handed. But, you play guitar as if you were right-handed."

"Dammit." Beca muttered. "How did you know that?" Katherine grinned.

"You have calluses from playing on your left hand. If you were using a left-handed guitar they'd be on your right." Katherine said, sitting back in her seat with a smile that suggested she was very pleased with herself.

"Ugh, okay. Let's play your game." Beca said, subconsciously snapping her rubber band against her wrist.

"First question, why do you play a right-handed guitar?" Katherine asked, wanting to start easy so Beca didn't immediately clam up.

"It was Jesse's guitar." Beca said, smiling at the memory.

_**"That's a nice guitar." Beca said, cautiously stepping into Jesse's bedroom for the first time. "How long have you been playing?"**_

_**"Oh, dude, I don't. I bought that a few years ago. I was convinced I'd just be able to pick it up, you know? Turns out it's hard." He said. Beca laughed. He gestured for her to sit so she perched, anxiously, on the edge of his bed. "I'm not going to bite, Beca. You don't need to look so nervous."**_

_**"Sorry." She said, running a hand through her hair. "I always wanted to play. My dad thought it was a dumb idea."**_

_**"Your dad's the one you ran away from, right?" Jesse asked, placing his hand lightly on top of hers. Beca flinched a little at the contact. "Sorry." He said, withdrawing it.**_

_**"It's fine." She said, smiling shyly at him. "Yeah, he's the one I ran away from." There was a small silence before Jesse stood and picked up his guitar and handed it to her. **_

_**"Here, if you can play a song by the end of the week, it's yours."**_

_**"Dude, you can't be serious? You drove me to hospital. You let me stay in your home. You don't want any money or anything and now this? It's too much." She said.**_

_**"It's just collecting dust, I'd rather it was played. And anyway, I like you. I think it's going to be nice having you around." He said, smiling at her.**_

_**"Just so there's no confusion, or anything, you should probably know, I'm gay." She said, looking up at him nervously. He looked at her for a second before smiling softly.**_

_**"Okay." He said.**_

Beca's hand was twisting the band around her wrist as she recounted the story to Katherine.

"What do you mean by he took you to the hospital?" Katherine asked, leaning forward slightly.

"Is this the next question?" Beca asked, releasing the band with a snap.

"No. So I guess you don't have to answer. But the more you tell me, the more I'll be able to help you." Katherine said.

"The night I met Jesse was the night I ran away from home. My dad had tried to stop me. He was... Violent sometimes. Jesse found me passed out on this bench, I'd ran there from my house, and he took me to hospital and then took me into his home." Beca said, her eyes fixed on the floor.

"Jesse's the one who called the ambulance that night, right?" Katherine said, flicking back through some of her notes. Beca nodded. "Okay, well done. You have your first extra ten minutes. I'd recommend using it to make-out but its yours to do with as you want." Beca laughed. "Next question, what is the earliest memory of your dad?" Beca thought for a second.

"The night he left, I guess." Beca said. "I was four."

_**"Daddy, where are you going?" A four-year-old Beca asked, following her dad from the house to his car, ignoring the suitcase he was dragging.**_

_**"Just to the shops, honey. Go inside." He said, loading the case in the car.**_

_**"Can't I come?" She asked, tugging on his jacket.**_

_**"No. Sorry, Becs. I won't be too long." He said, crouching and kissing her forehead. He then climbed into the car and drove off without a second glance. Beca sat on the curb outside her house, deciding just to wait for him. He was supposed to put her to bed that night, she didn't want to miss that by falling asleep before he got home. About ten minutes later, her mom came out, her eyes red.**_

_**"What are you doing out here, baby?" She asked, her voice shaking.**_

_**"Waiting for daddy." Beca said, smiling. "He said he was just going to the shops." Beca's mom choked out a sob before hurrying back into the house. Beca didn't understand, but she still didn't move. A few minutes later and she was joined on the curb by her redheaded best friend. "Hi Chloe." Beca said.**_

_**"My mommy's gone to see your mommy." Chloe said, looking behind her and into the house. "She said she's sad."**_

_**"My mommy's sad?" Beca asked, her brow furrowed.**_

_**"Yeah. She said, 'cause your daddy left. Where did he go?" Chloe asked.**_

_**"Just to the shops. I'm waiting for him." Beca said, confused by the grownups' behaviour.**_

_**"Oh. Okay, I'll wait with you." Chloe said. They stayed there for hours. Beca began to get an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Why wasn't he back yet? Eventually, Chloe's mom came to collect her, taking the girl back to her own house.**_

_**"You should go inside, dear." She said to Beca. Beca finally gave in. The cold was making her shiver and it was dark. She hated the dark. She toddled into the kitchen to find her mom, crying at the table.**_

_**"Mommy?" She asked. The older brunette scooped Beca into her arms and cried, burying her face into her daughter's hair.**_

As Beca finished her story she realised she had tears spilling down her face. She hastily wiped them away. Katherine handed her a box of tissues.

"Thanks." Beca said, her voice small. "He, uh, came back when I was eleven. Begging my mom to forgive him. She did. But he, he wasn't the same. He wasn't how I'd remembered him."

"He was violent?" Katherine asked. Beca nodded. Katherine reached across and put her hand on Beca's arm. Beca tensed slightly. "Sorry." Katherine said, withdrawing her hand. "Adam used to tell me off for doing that." She let out a nervous laugh. "He said it was like being slapped by a sea-otter." Beca laughed. "Well, well done. Two questions down. Question three, it says in your notes that both your parents have passed away. Can you tell me about how they died?"

Beca told Katherine the story of her mother's suicide. About how her dad's abuse got worse after she'd died. About how once Chloe had found out that it had gotten worse, she would hardly ever let the brunette spend a night in her own home.

"When dad died it was weird. I'd been living with Jesse for about two years when I got a phone call from the hospital. Told me that my dad was wasted and had fallen down the stairs and broken his neck. He was there for a week before anyone found him. I felt relieved. I knew he wouldn't be able to hurt me again. But then there was still a part of me that had this idealised version of how dad had been when I was younger. I don't know why, I don't have any real memories of him from before he left. But I just imagined him, dying alone like that. It made me sad." Beca said, wiping her eyes impatiently. "I mean, I hated him. But I loved him too."

"Can you tell me about the first time you self-harmed?" Katherine asked, wishing she could at least hug the younger girl, who seemed to be falling apart in front of her.

Beca told her about the night before they moved. She spoke of the feeling of digging the scissors into her arms. About the clarity and relief it gave her. About how the voices seemed to quieten.

"Voices? You hear voices?" Katherine asked, clearly concerned.

"Not like that." Beca said. "It's more my thoughts. It's like my thoughts are shouting at me. Telling me I'm not worth it. That I'm a loser or a freak. That... That I should just end it." Katherine's eyes had started filling with tears.

"What do they sound like? Do they have a distinct voice?" She asked, pushing away the urge to cry.

"Sometimes they sound like my dad. Sometimes me." Beca said.

"So that's why you carved "stop" into your arm? That's why you hurt yourself, to stop the voices?" Katherine asked. Beca nodded.

"It's more than that. It's like... It's like this weight gets lifted from my chest. It's like I can breathe and think again." Beca said, pulling on the band and letting it snap back into place. Katherine looked at Beca for a few seconds before dropping her eyes to her notebook and writing something.

"Okay, last question. Would you say you self-harmed more before or after your father died?" Katherine asked. Beca thought for a moment. Her hands absentmindedly running along her arm, feeling the bumps underneath her hoody.

"After I guess." Beca said. She didn't do it much while living with Jesse. After her dad died, it escalated. And it didn't help that she lived alone. Katherine wrote something else and stared down at her notes.

"Do you want to hear my theory?" Katherine asked after a small silence. Beca nodded. "From what you've said, we know that despite everything he did to you, you loved your dad. Which means you might have respected his opinion, even if it was a subconscious thing. So when your dad was belittling you and hitting you, you felt like you deserved it. You felt like you needed to be punished. Then he died. So you carried on punishing yourself. Still obeying his voice in your head. Am I making sense?" Beca ran a hand through her hair before nodding. She took a shaky breath before she dissolved into tears. Katherine moved to sit by her, placing an arm around her shoulder. "I'm supposed to ask permission before I do this, but fuck that." She said. Beca laughed slightly before turning into Katherine and burying her face into the older woman's shoulder. "I know this is hard, Beca. But this is a really big breakthrough. Now we know what we're up against. Now we can fight this."

* * *

**A/N: I apologise for the lack of Chloe, she'll be back next chapter :)**


	13. I Just Miss Her

**A/N: Short chapter for you folks, sorry it's not longer!**

**Trigger free chapter! Enjoy!**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

* * *

Beca was sitting in the visitor's room, eagerly awaiting the arrival of her favourite redhead. She watched the seconds tick by on the clock until it was finally 11am. A few seconds later and the door opened, allowing a stream of people through it. Beca's eyes searched the crowd until they fell on the red hair of Chloe. Chloe spotted her and forced her way through the crowd of people. Beca stood and met her half-way, throwing her arms around her waist and pulling her close.

"God I've missed you." Beca said, her eyes closed.

"I missed you too." Chloe said softly, pressing her lips to Beca's head. Beca lifted her head and brought their lips together, her hands gripping the fabric of Chloe's shirt. They heard someone clear their throat behind them and they broke apart. Katherine was standing there, a small smile on her face.

"Probably best to keep it PG guys." She said.

"Sorry." Beca laughed. "Katherine, this is my girlfriend Chloe. Chloe, this is Dr. Katherine McKay, my therapist." The two women shook hands.

"Nice to meet you Chloe." Katherine said.

"Likewise." Chloe said. Katherine went to meet some other patients friends and family, leaving the two alone. "She looks like you."

"You think so?" Beca said, not seeing the comparison. Chloe laughed. "Do you have anywhere to be today?" Chloe shook her head. "Katherine said that, if you wanted to, you could stay for an extra hour."

"That's great!" Chloe said. "Do we have to stay in here?"

"No, we can go for a walk outside if you want? We just have to get searched again." Beca said, taking Chloe's hand and leading her towards the door that would let them out into the gardens. After being thoroughly searched they headed out, hand in hand, not saying much. They stopped beside a small lake, sitting down on the grass. Even though they knew they were being filmed by security cameras, there was a sense of privacy.

"You look really well, Becs." Chloe said, taking in the brunette's appearance. She looked tired but happy.

"So do you." Beca said, lying down on the grass. Chloe joined her, resting her head on Beca's lap. Beca's hand moved to play with her hair.

"How come you were given an extra hour with me?" Chloe asked, linking their hands across her stomach.

"I played this game with Katherine. Every time I answered a question, I got an extra ten minutes to spend with you." Beca said, her thumb brushing the back of her knuckles.

"She sounds good." Chloe said.

"Yeah, she is. She has this pretty convincing theory about me." Beca said. She told Chloe about what Katherine had said the day before, her voice catching in her throat slightly.

"Wow, that actually makes a lot of sense." Chloe said, squeezing Beca's hand. "What's it like in here?" She asked after a small silence.

"It's okay." Beca replied. "Food's a bit shit." Chloe laughed lightly. "I wish I could come home."

"I know. But you'll be out before you know it." Chloe said.

"Have you seen Jesse?" Beca asked, running her hand through Chloe's hair again.

"Not really. He came into the shop to ask how you were the other day. I take it he hasn't visited?" Chloe said, changing her position so she was lying beside Beca. Beca shook her head. "I'm sure he will Becs."

"It's okay. I get why he hasn't. I just want to make sure he's okay." Beca said, moving so her head was resting on Chloe's chest. "What did you do yesterday?"

"Uh, let's see... I went for lunch with Aubrey and Stacie, then I went back to our place and did some cleaning and after that I was offered a job with the Barden Express to be one of their weekly columnists." Chloe said, wrapping her arm around Beca's waist and squeezing.

"Chlo' that's awesome!" Beca said, excitedly.

"It's just a temporary thing but if they like me, they'll make it permanent." She said, smiling at her girlfriend's excitement.

"This is so cool! My girlfriend the columnist!" Beca said, sitting up and kissing her. "I'm so proud of you." Chloe returned the kiss, her hands moving up the brunette's back. "I love you so much." She said between kisses.

"I love you too. But we should probably stop, we're on camera right now, remember?" Chloe said, smirking.

"Fine. But as soon as I get out of here..." She said, kissing Chloe again before moving so Chloe could sit up. Beca rested her head on her shoulder as they stared out across the lake.

"How are you, Becs?" Chloe asked softly. Beca thought for a second.

"Better. A lot better, actually." Beca said, kissing Chloe's exposed shoulder.

"That's great, Beca." Chloe said, smiling at her girlfriend. "I really am proud of you."

"Thank you." Beca said, resting her hand on Chloe's thigh. Not long after and the couple were approached by a nurse who told them that visiting was over. They walked in silence, hand's linked, back to the building. After they were searched again, they hugged goodbye. Beca's hands gripping the fabric of Chloe's shirt.

"It's okay Becs, you'll see me soon." She said quietly.

"I want to come home, Chlo'." She said, the strong façade she had presented was beginning to crumble.

"I know. I want you to come home too. But it won't be much longer." Chloe said, breaking their hug and cupping Beca's face with her hands. She brushed away her tears with her thumbs. "It's going to be okay." Beca nodded and the redhead kissed her one more time before she left. Beca returned to her room and curled up on the bed. A few minutes later and there was a knock at the door. Beca ignored it. The door opened and Beca felt the bed dip beside her.

"You wanna talk about it?" Katherine asked.

"I just miss her." Beca said softly, tears soaking the pillow beneath her. "We were apart for so long. When I found her again, I knew I wouldn't be able to be apart from her again."

"Well, there's nothing I can say that'll make being apart any easier. Just know that it's temporary and it's normal to feel this way." She said.

"Yeah. Yeah, I know. Thanks." Beca said, wiping her tears with her sleeve.

"Okay. I gotta go. Don't forget to go to group therapy." She said, standing. Beca groaned. "Don't even think of skipping it." Katherine warned, smiling slightly.

* * *

Chloe was driving home from the hospital, tears spilling down her cheeks. She was crying so hard she could barely see the road in front of her, so she pulled to the side and switched off the engine. Her phone rang a few seconds later.

"Hey, 'Bree." She said upon answering.

"Chlo'? Are you okay? I expected you back from the hospital over an hour ago." Aubrey said.

"I got an extra hour with her. I'm on my way back now." Chloe said, wiping her eyes.

"Are you crying?" Aubrey asked.

"I miss her 'Bree. I miss her so much." Chloe said, her voice shaking. "And it's only been a week. They said she'd be in there a month at least."

"Just remember that she's in there for a reason. I know it's tough but the longer she's in there, the better she'll be probably." Aubrey said.

"I know. I know she needs to be in there. I just wish she could come home."


	14. Don't Apologise for Being Ill

**A/N: Just a quick note to say that my last chapter brought me up to 100 reviews! That's the most I've gotten for any fic ever so thank you all so much, you're the best :)**

**Trigger free chapter!**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

* * *

Over the next week, things began going downhill for Beca. The side effects of her antidepressants were beginning to take its toll. They gave her headaches and made her dizzy and gave her terrible insomnia. She would lie awake at night, her head pounding, her stomach churning. The next day would drag and the whole thing would repeat.

She was lying in bed one night, her eyes itching with tiredness and her stomach swirling. She forced herself up and made it to the bathroom before her stomach emptied. She rested against the cool tiles of the bathroom, wishing she was anywhere but here. Her mind wandered to Chloe who would be asleep by now. Beca pictured her hair splayed out across the pillow, the steady rise and fall of her chest, the look of peace and contentment on her face. Her heart ached.

* * *

Meanwhile, Chloe couldn't sleep. Her mind was on Beca, as usual. She was still staying at Aubrey and Stacie's place, she didn't want to sleep in hers and Beca's bed without the small brunette. She moved from her bed and headed into the kitchen for a glass of water. A few seconds later she was joined by Aubrey.

"Can't sleep?" The blonde asked, rubbing her eyes. Chloe shook her head.

"You?" Chloe asked.

"Nope." Aubrey replied, taking a seat at the kitchen table. "Must be one of those nights."

"Yeah. Cup of tea?" Chloe asked. Aubrey nodded, yawning slightly. Chloe made them both a cup.

"So, everything okay?"

"I guess." Chloe said, setting the cups down on the table and sitting opposite Aubrey.

"You miss her?" Aubrey asked.

"Like crazy." She said, sadly. Aubrey rested her hand on top of Chloe's.

"It must be really hard." Aubrey said. Chloe nodded. "I can't imagine being away from Stace for that long."

"How are things with you two?" Chloe asked, realising she hadn't checked up on her best friend's love life in a while.

"Really well." Aubrey said, her face breaking into a grin. "Actually, I was thinking about proposing."

"Oh my god, 'Bree! That's aca-awesome!" Chloe squealed.

"A little quieter, Chlo'." Aubrey said, glancing back towards the room to make sure Stacie hadn't woken up.

"Sorry." Chloe said, dropping her voice to a whisper. "But this is amazing. I'm so happy for you 'Bree."

"Thanks." Aubrey said, grinning again.

* * *

After five days of no sleep Beca made the decision to stop taking her antidepressants. She would queue with everyone else, take her pill and hide it under her tongue. She would pretend to swallow and then open her mouth so they could check she had taken it. She would keep the pill in her mouth until she could flush it down the toilet. She was actually surprised with how easy it was.

A few days after and the drugs were completely out of her system and she managed to sleep. The problem was that her mood plummeted. The voices started creeping back, louder and crueller than Beca remembered them. And to top it off, Chloe had been so busy writing her first column that she hadn't had time to visit Beca in almost a week. They had spoken on the phone but it wasn't the same.

She was sitting in Katherine's office, her eyes downcast, her leg vibrating slightly. She hadn't said a word since she'd gotten there.

"Something tells me you aren't in the mood for my games today." Katherine said after almost five minutes of silence.

"Perceptive as always, Dr. McKay." Beca replied. Katherine didn't say anything, she just watched Beca. "Sorry." Beca said eventually, screwing her eyes up. "I didn't mean that, I'm just... I'm... I want to go home." She said.

"And you think skipping your meds will get you there?" Katherine asked, her eyebrows raised. Beca's head shot up.

"You, uh, know about that?" Beca said, fiddling with the sleeves of her jumper nervously.

"Do you know how many patients think they've perfected the fake swallow?" Katherine asked. "You're not as sneaky as you think, Beca."

"So why hasn't anyone tried to make me go back on them?" Beca asked, annoyed at having been caught.

"Oh they wanted to. They wanted to strap you down and pump them in, but I said no." Katherine said.

"Why?"

"Because, eventually, almost everyone on antidepressants or antipsychotic meds will think they can do without them and go cold turkey. I'd rather you try it in here where there's a system in place in case it goes downhill. If you tried to come off while at home, anything could happen. So I told them to let you try it out, so you could see that you need them." Katherine said.

"I don't need them." Beca said, knowing the words were lies as she spoke them.

"Tell me Beca, have the voices come back?" Katherine asked. Beca's eyes dropped again and she nodded. "And how many times in the past couple of days have you thought about harming yourself?" Her voice was softer. Beca's eyes filled with tears.

"A lot." She said, her voice just above a whisper. Katherine leaned forward and rested her hand on Beca's vibrating leg.

"If you were in a place where you had access to knives or razors, would you have used them?" She asked, already knowing the answer. Beca nodded. "You know that you need them, don't you?" Beca nodded again. "Then why did you come off them?"

"I couldn't sleep." Beca said, wiping her eyes. "I got headaches and felt sick and dizzy all the time."

"Why didn't you tell me? Those side-effects tend not to last more than a few weeks and we could have prescribed you something to deal with them." Katherine said.

"I don't want to have to take all these pills just to feel normal!" Beca said, frustrated. Katherine sighed and sat back in her chair.

"Beca, imagine you'd broken your leg." She said.

"What?" Beca asked, thrown.

"Just, go with me. Imagine you've broken your leg. You're rushed into hospital and your doctor tells you he's not going to give you crutches to help you walk. In fact, he isn't going to give you a cast, pain meds or even set the bones. He tells you have to get better on your own. You have to just get over it and get on with it. You just have to tell your leg to stop being broken. Would you be able to do it?" Katherine asked.

"Well, no, but-" Beca said.

"So why do you think you can do this without help? Depression is an illness like any other, and it needs treatment." Katherine said, desperate to reach her. To make her understand. "Please, Beca. It's important that you understand that you can't just will yourself to get better. I'm not saying you're going to be on meds for the rest of your life, but right now, you need them."

"Okay." Beca said, her voice wavering. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise for being ill." Katherine said, leaning forward so she could rest her hand on Beca's arm.

"When will I get out of here?" Beca asked after a small silence.

"Get back on your meds and you'll be out in no more than a couple of weeks." Katherine said, smiling as Beca's face lit up. "Once you're out though, you'll still need to see me once a week for therapy."

"You'll be my therapist once I'm out?" Beca asked, surprised.

"Well, yeah. Unless you don't want to." Katherine said, hesitantly.

"I want to. I'd... I'd like that." Beca said with a shy smile.

"Good." Katherine said, smiling back. "So, tomorrow morning I am going to take you to the med station myself and make sure you take your antidepressants. I'll also talk to them about prescribing some sleeping pills and something for the headaches and nausea. You'll only be on those for a few weeks though, I promise." She said.

"Okay." Beca said, a little relieved that she would only have to deal with her clouded head for another day. "Thank you."

"What for?" Katherine asked.

"Everything."


	15. I'm Not Going Anywhere

**A/N: Hello you gorgeous bunch! Here's another chapter for you. It's not as long as I'd like but I'm too tired to think of a way to expand it, so it's just a short one :P**

**Pretty much trigger free, I think.**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

* * *

"Okay, I have a challenge for you Beca." Katherine said during their next therapy session.

"What kind of challenge?" Beca asked, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Nothing major. Just instead of heading straight for your room after the session, I want you to go and sit in the lounge. And actually talk to another patient." Katherine said, smirking at Beca's horrified expression.

"And why would I do that?" Beca asked.

"Because I dared you to." Katherine said, sitting back in her chair.

With Katherine's dare sitting at the front of her mind, she headed for the lounge instead of her room. She was hoping to see a girl called Fat Amy whom she sometimes had dinner with but the loud-mouthed Australian was nowhere to be seen. She took a seat on a sofa next to a nervous looking boy who seemed no older than 18. She watched as the boy slowly muttered to himself, snapping a rubber band against his wrist. Beca wasn't sure what to say to him, so just watched. The band snapped in his hand and he froze, staring at it.

"Stop it." He whispered. Something twisted inside of Beca. "Stop." He said, louder. He started driving his hand into the side of his head. "Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!" He was beginning to attract the attention of the nurses that were stationed around the room.

"Hey." Beca said softly, placing a hand on his arm. He stopped shouting. "It's okay." She slid the band from her own wrist and placed it around his. "Here." She pulled it back and let it go. He let out a relieved, breathy, laugh. He snapped it against his wrist a few times before he settled down. "Better?" Beca asked. He nodded, smiling at her. He spotted something on her arm and reached across, tugging up her sleeve. Beca felt herself freeze but didn't stop him as his fingers traced the scars on her arm. His brow furrowed as he looked at them. He rummaged around in his pockets for a few seconds before he found a rubber band. He placed it on her wrist and tugged her sleeve down.

"You need it too." He said softly before standing up and walking to a nurse. The nurse lead him from the room.

Beca lay on her bed that night, hoping her interaction with the boy had counted. She had a feeling it did. She bumped into Katherine on her way back to her room and the small brunette gave her a smile and a thumbs up. Part of her wondered if she had intended her to meet the boy, considering he seemed so much like she used to be. If not, it was a weird coincidence. She checked her watch for the time and realised it was time to take her sleeping tablet. She headed to the med station and took the pill in front of them before returning to her room. When she got home she would take it half an hour before she intended on going to sleep, but here she took it at around 10pm.

* * *

Beca almost squealed with excitement when she saw the redhead making her way towards her. Beca had been back on her meds for five days now, and with the addition of sleeping pills, her mood had soared. Beca pulled Chloe into a hug as she reached her.

"Hey Red." Beca said, giving Chloe a quick kiss before leading them to a small sofa in the back corner of the visitor's room. There was something in Beca's voice, something in the way Chloe's old nickname rolled off her tongue, that made Chloe gasp slightly. "What is it?" Beca asked, confused.

"It's just... You sound so much like, well, you." Chloe said. She hadn't realised how long it had been since Beca had been herself. "You're back." There were tears in her eyes.

"Yeah. I'm back." Beca said, grinning and brushing away Chloe's tears with a sweep of her thumb. They sat, Beca wrapped comfortably in Chloe's arms, and caught each other up on what had happened since they last spoke. Chloe spoke of her column for the paper, Aubrey's plans for her proposal to Stacie, and an another argument she'd had with her manager.

"I swear Becs, she's just a bitch." Chloe said, seething at the thought of her.

"Why did she yell at you?" Beca asked, smiling as she ran her thumb across the back of their entwined hands.

"I may have been writing my column instead of tidying up the sci-fi section." Chloe said, smirking.

"Ah." Beca said. "When can I read this column of yours? You've been writing it for weeks."

"It's my first one! It has to be perfect or they might not let me do anymore." Chloe said. "And you can read it once I've finished."

"I'm sure it's great, Chlo'." Beca said.

"It should be, it's about you." Chloe said.

"Oh yeah?" Beca said, unable to stop the grin spreading across her face.

"Yeah." Chloe replied, kissing the top of her girlfriend's head. "Okay, we've caught up with me now. Your turn." Beca hesitated, took a deep breath, and then began telling Chloe about coming off her meds. The redhead's grip tightened on Beca's hand as she spoke. "Please tell me you've learned your lesson not to do that again." Chloe said, her voice low and steady.

"I have." Beca said, sitting up to look at her. "I promise I have." Chloe cupped Beca's cheek in her hand, searching her eyes.

"I can't lose you again Beca." She said, her voice a whisper.

"I'm not going anywhere." Beca said, resting her forehead against Chloe's, her hand holding the back of Chloe's neck. "I'm gonna take my meds, go to therapy, and come home. And when I'm home I'll carry on taking them and carry on going to therapy until I get better. I'm not going to be that Beca anymore. No more voices, no more self-destruction."

"I'm so happy you said that." Chloe whispered, closing her eyes and causing tears to spill over and drop onto the sofa below them. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Beca said softly. They stayed in each other's arms for a few more minutes until they heard the familiar throat-clearing of Katherine. They broke apart, smiling shyly.

"Can I...?" Katherine said, gesturing to the seat in front of the sofa. Beca nodded. "I was just wondering what your plans are for Saturday?" Beca's brow furrowed.

"Uh, nothing?" Beca said.

"Chloe?" Katherine asked, trying to stop her own smile from spreading.

"I have a day off..." Chloe said.

"Why are you asking?" Beca asked.

"Oh, no reason." Katherine said. "Just wondering if you felt like going home on Saturday." She finally allowed her smile to show as Chloe and Beca gaped at her.

"Are you serious?" Beca asked, not daring to believe her.

"I'm serious, Beca. You can go home."


	16. I Feel Really Good

**A/N: Hey you gorgeous bunch of awesome nerds! So sorry that this chapter wasn't posted yesterday. I work a ten hour shift on Saturdays and I tried to write this when I got home last night but fell asleep while writing. I didn't want to give you all something half-arsed so I waited until today to finish it :)**

**I just wanted to thank you all so much for the response. We're about at the last few chapters now and your reviews and everything have been amazing. One review in particular from a guest called Tali made me so happy. (Go read her review :P) I've written plenty of depressing fics in my time but I knew when I started this one off that it had to have a happy, positive ending (spoiler alert, this fic is all peaches and gravy from here on out :P). I had to show that depression and self-harm can be beaten. **

**Anyway, I just had to put this little note in. I love you all like crazy.**

**No trigger warnings needed :)**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

* * *

Beca woke up early on Saturday morning. Not surprising really. She managed to shower, dress, and pack all before taking her meds.

"How did I know you'd be up early today?" Katherine asked, spotting Beca in the corridor.

"It would be the wrong day to sleep in." Beca said. "How come you're in on a Saturday?"

"Well I had to see you off, didn't I? And we've got some forms to go through. You wanna pop by my office after breakfast?" She asked.

"Sure." Beca said, smiling as Katherine left.

After taking her meds she made her way to the cafeteria. She grabbed some cereal and took a seat beside a tired looking Fat Amy.

"Morning shorty." She said, yawning.

"Morning." Beca said, brightly.

"You're getting out today, right?" She said, tucking into a piece of bacon.

"Damn right." Beca said, grinning.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get out soon. My dad is like the king of Tasmania so he's gonna come and get me." Amy said. Beca smiled sadly at her.

"Awesome, Amy." She said. They chatted for a bit before Beca headed off to Katherine's office.

"So are you excited?" Katherine asked as Beca signed some papers.

"God yes." Beca said, laughing slightly. "I think Chloe's picking me up at noon or something."

"Nice." Katherine said, shuffling the signed papers together and stapling them. "Got any big plans?"

"Just hang out I think. I'm gonna take her out for a nice meal tomorrow night as like a thank you or celebration thing." Beca said, checking the clock on Katherine's wall, hoping more time had passed.

"Cool. Okay, everything's signed. You wanna hangout here while you wait?" Katherine asked, filing away the papers.

"Yeah, if that's cool?" Beca asked.

"Totally cool. So, what day did we agree you should come in for therapy?" Katherine asked, looking at her diary. "Was it Monday mornings?"

"Yeah, I think. Like, 10am or something, right?" Beca said.

"Yeah, here it is." Katherine said, finding it. "Cool, so I'll see you in a couple of days then."

"Awesome." Beca said.

"So how are you feeling then? I mean, beside from excited, obviously." Katherine asked.

"I'm feeling good." Beca said, hesitating slightly. "A little nervous, I guess."

"How come?" Katherine asked.

"Just... Like, I have a set routine here. And that routine works. I'm just worried that once I lose my routine I'll fall back into old habits." Beca said, ruffling her hair slightly.

"So make a new routine." Katherine said. "You know, make sure you have something to do everyday so you aren't just at a loose end."

"Yeah. Yeah that's a good idea." Beca said, nodding. "I mean, I should probably try to get a job since the whole playing music thing fell through."

"How come it fell through? Because of that dick-head manager at Bellas?" Katherine asked. Beca nodded. "Yeah, I was there last night and he's been fired."

"What?" Beca asked, suddenly excited at the prospect of being able to return there. "How come?"

"Well," Katherine said, leaning forward with an expression of someone who has some really juicy gossip, "I heard from one of the bartenders that he tried to do the same thing to a girl who replaced you and she called the police."

"Oh my god, that's awesome!" Beca said. "I mean, not awesome that he did that to someone else but awesome that she called the cops!"

"I know, right?" Katherine said, laughing at Beca's enthusiastic response. "So you should definitely try to get back into playing. And if they won't have you back just try another bar."

"I will!" Beca said, excited about the prospect of playing and singing for the first time since the incident. "You'd better come and see me play then."

"Oh I'll be there. Adam owes me a night out." Katherine said, smiling.

"How long have you two been together?" Beca asked.

"Three years I think." Katherine said, working it out in her head.

"That's a long time." Beca said, smiling.

"It doesn't feel long." Katherine said, glancing down at the picture of them. "It feels like two minutes ago when he was still my patient. How long have you been with Chloe?"

"Uh," Beca thought back, "we got together like a week or so after we met up again. I think it's been like 6 months maybe. But we were pretty much inseparable between the ages of three and seventeen." Beca said. "When my dad made me leave I honestly thought I'd never see her again."

"It's strange how people gravitate towards each other, isn't it?" Katherine said. "Like, you two were obviously meant to be together."

"Yeah, it feels that way." Beca said, grinning.

Around an hour later and Beca and Chloe were at the hospital reception, saying their goodbyes to Katherine.

"Thank you." Beca said softly as she hugged her.

"You did this all yourself, Beca. I just gave you a nudge in the right direction." Katherine replied, her voice just as soft. They broke apart. "Okay, so here are your meds. Remember you take them just before you eat breakfast, no earlier." She said handing over a white paper bag. "And your sleeping pills are in there too. You can come off those if you want and only use them when you need to. That's your choice." Chloe took the bag from Katherine and hugged her too.

"Thank you so much." Chloe said, squeezing her.

"She's a hugger." Beca said, laughing at the startled expression on Katherine's face.

"Yeah, I got that." Katherine replied. "Right, well, take care of yourself and I'll see you on Monday." Beca smiled and nodded before linking her hand with Chloe's, her bag slung across her other shoulder. Just over a month after walking through these doors, Beca stepped through them again, a smile etched on her face.

Beca put her bag in the trunk of Chloe's car and then climbed into the passenger side. Chloe got in and they drove off, heading for home.

When they arrived they found Jesse, Aubrey and Stacie all sitting in front of the house.

"Damn, I told them all to come later. I wanted a bit of alone time with you." Chloe said as they pulled in.

"And what did you have planned for that alone time?" Beca asked, a mischievous smirk on her face.

"Well you'll have to wait until later to find that out." Chloe said, winking. Beca got out of the car and was hugged by Aubrey and Stacie.

"Good to see you looking so well, Beca." Aubrey said.

"Thanks." Beca smiled. She looked past them and saw Jesse standing slightly awkwardly, as if unsure whether a hug from him would be welcome. Beca made her way towards him. "Hey." She said.

"Hi." He replied, scuffing his shoes against the ground. "You look good."

"Thanks." Beca said. "Do I get a hug, or...?" She asked. He smiled slightly before opening his arms and pulling her close. "I missed you." She said softly, closing her eyes as he held her against him.

"I missed you too." He said. "I'm sorry I didn't visit it's just, after finding you like that, I was scared of what you'd be like. Which is stupid and selfish of me, I know."

"Dude, it's fine. I totally get it." Beca said, ending their hug. "If it wasn't for you, I don't know what I'd have done that night. Thank you."

"I'm really glad you're home." He said, smiling at her fully now. "When Chloe told me how good you were doing the last time she saw you, I didn't really know what to expect. But you seem so much like you."

"Yeah." Beca said, smiling. "I feel good. I feel really good."


	17. Everything's Amazing

**A/N: Super short chapter, sorry guys! There will be three more chapters after this and once again I'm a little sad to say goodbye to it. **

**You're all amazing and lovely and awesome and I love you :)**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters. (The same goes for 50/50 :P)**

* * *

"Dude, I'm gonna be sick." Beca said, pacing the tiny backstage room at Bellas.

"You're fine, Becs." Jesse said, laughing at her. She had been home for a week now, and this was her first time back at Bellas. "You've got five minutes or so, just take a deep breath and relax." Beca sat on the only chair in the room and closed her eyes, forcing herself to breathe slowly.

Chloe was standing at the bar with Aubrey and Stacie, nervously staring at the still empty stage.

"I should go back there." Chloe said, taking a big swig of beer.

"She's got Jesse back there. If she needed you she'd send him. Just relax, she's gonna be great." Stacie said. Chloe looked to Aubrey for some kind of help.

"She's fine, Chlo'." Aubrey said, taking a big gulp of her own drink. Chloe thought that Aubrey looked even more nervous than her.

"Hey, Chloe, right?" A voice said from behind them. Chloe turned around to see Katherine standing there with a warm smile on her face. A dark-haired handsome man had his arm wrapped around her waist.

"Hi Katherine!" Chloe said, excitedly. She introduced her to Stacie and Aubrey. "Beca will be so glad you've come."

"Yeah, she told me about this like five times during our last session. This is my boyfriend, Adam." She added, realising she hadn't introduced him.

"Hi." Chloe said, trying to hide her nervousness.

"Hey." He said back. "You want a drink?" He said, turning to Katherine.

"Please, baby." She said. "So, Beca tells me you're writing an article for the Express? That's pretty awesome."

"Yeah. They gave me a month to write my first one so it's due like, next week sometime." Chloe said. Adam returned and handed Katherine her drink. They heard the voice of the new manager up on stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please give the biggest of cheers for a girl making her triumphant return to this sacred stage. Give it up for Beca Mitchell!" He said, stepping aside to let Beca walk on. Beca raised her hand to greet the cheering crowd.

"Hey, how are we all doing?" Beca said, grinning at them. "Okay so I've been away for a while but it feels so good to be back. As usual, I have to dedicate a song to my stunning girlfriend. This one's for you, Red." Beca said, finding Chloe in the crowd. She began playing and singing. It was a song Chloe didn't recognise but the lyrics seemed appropriate.

_"I had days when it was hard to live,_

_But I've never been afraid to die,_

_But I've met someone good,_

_And now I'm scared like a little child."_

She carried on singing the chorus and the second verse, her eyes never breaking away from where she imagined Chloe's were. As she sang the second chorus, her eyes filled with tears at the same time Chloe's did.

_"'Cos if you've got someone,_

_If you got somebody waiting,_

_They always puts their heart in,_

_You better give them one more day in your life."_

After a few more lines the song came to end and she received a roar of applause. She laughed slightly, wiping her tears on her sleeve.

"Sorry." She said, laughing. "Here's a bit of Ed Sheeran to lighten the mood." She began playing and singing 'Little Bird', her tears disappearing as quickly as they had come.

"Wow, she's great!" Katherine said.

"I know, right?" Chloe said, her own tears stopping finally.

"She was nervous as shit." Jesse said, having joined the group as soon as Beca had gone on stage.

"So was this one." Stacie said, nudging Chloe playfully.

"Clearly, I needn't have been." Chloe said, smiling at the stage. Beca finished playing to another cheer from the crowd.

"Thanks guys." She said, grinning. "Okay, Aubrey Posen, where are you?" Beca asked squinting into the crowd. Chloe and Stacie both whipped around to where they had last seen Aubrey and discovered that she was no longer with them. They faced the stage again and saw Beca helping the blonde up.

"Hi." Aubrey said, nervously into the mic. "I just wanted to say something but first I wanted to tell Beca how proud we all are of her. She's been through a bit of a rough patch but she's finally coming out the other end and we're all so happy for her. I haven't known her very long but she's my best friend's girlfriend and that practically makes us family. So, well done Becs. Also, how talented and amazing is she?" Aubrey said, turning to hug the small brunette as the crowd gave a roar of agreement.

"I didn't ask her to say that, honest." Beca said, when they broke apart. The crowd laughed. Beca had no idea the blonde was going to say those things about her, and her heart seemed to swell as she'd heard them. "I didn't just ask her up here to say that."

"No, she didn't." Aubrey said. "I have a question to ask someone out there. My girlfriend of almost four years, Stacie Conrad." Chloe and Stacie gasped, simultaneously. "Stace, I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" A hush fell across the bar.

"YES!" Stacie shouted at the top of her lungs, rushing towards the stage. The crowd erupted again as Aubrey jumped from the stage and wrapped Stacie in her arms, kissing her.

"How fucking amazing was that?!" Beca asked the crowd. "Guys, seriously congratulations. Okay, fuck, a lot of love in the room. Here's the most romantic song I know." Beca said, playing the opening chords of 'Just the Way You Are'.

Aubrey and Stacie had made their way back towards the rest of the group, receiving claps and pats on the back.

"'Bree!" Chloe squealed, wrapping her arms around her friend before moving to hug Stacie. The bartender congratulated the girls and gave them a complimentary bottle of champagne. Not long after, Beca joined them, brimming with adrenaline and excitement. "You were awesome!" Chloe said, squeezing her.

"Thanks, Red." Beca said, kissing her quickly.

"Good job, dude." Jesse said, patting her on the arm.

"Champagne?" Aubrey asked, beaming.

"Not for me thanks." Beca said, accepting the bottle of water from the bartender. "Oh, hey, thank you for coming!" Beca said, spotting Katherine.

"You were awesome!" Katherine said, hugging Beca. "This is Adam." She added.

"Nice to finally meet you." Beca said.

"Same here." He said. "You did a good set, kid."

"Thanks." She said, moving back to Chloe and wrapping her arm around the redhead's waist.

"Everything good?" Chloe asked softly, putting her arm around Beca.

"Everything's amazing." Beca replied, smiling softly at her group of friends.

* * *

**Songs used (and mentioned): 'If You Got Somebody Waiting' - Joel Alme**

** 'Skinny Love' - Ed Sheeran**

** 'Just the Way You Are' - Bruno Mars**


	18. So Much More

**A/N: Some more lovely fluff for you :) Two more chapters to go after this!**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

* * *

The next morning, Beca rolled over in bed and smiled at the sleeping redhead beside her. Her hand moved up to brush the hair from Chloe's face, her thumb sweeping across her cheek.

"Quit staring, you creep," Chloe said. She opened her eyes wearily and smiled at her girlfriend. "Morning."

"Morning," Beca replied. "What do you wanna do today?"

"Well," Chloe said, "we could stay here all day." A mischevious grin spread across her face.

"That does sound pretty awesome," Beca said, biting her lip slightly. "But I also think we should get out of the house for a bit."

"I'm sorry, what now?" Chloe asked in mock surprise. "My girlfriend, Beca Mitchell, did not just turn down a full day of sex to go outside?"

"When you say it like that it makes me want to barricade the doors and never leave this bed," Beca laughed. "But, you have a day off and you finished your column. Plus I don't have a gig tonight, so I don't want us to waste our day."

"And sex all day with me would be a waste?" Chloe asked, eyebrows raised. A smile was tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Don't twist my words, Beale," she said, rolling so she was on top of Chloe. She had the redhead's hands pinned either side of her head and she brought their lips together slowly. Chloe immediately freed her hands so she could thread them through Beca's chocolate curls.

Half an hour later and Chloe was just finishing making breakfast. Beca walked into the kitchen, her hair wet from the shower. She poured herself a cup of coffee and then grabbed her little plastic pill-box, popping open the 'Sunday' section and taking out the anti-depressant. She swallowed it with a gulp of coffee. She then went into the bedroom and returned with the bottle, refilling each day with a new pill before putting everything back in its place. Chloe watched her with a smile as she dished their food onto plates.

"This looks awesome," Beca said, giving the redhead a chaste kiss before they started eating.

"So, what should we do today then?" Chloe asked, grinning as Beca managed to get syrup all over her face.

"I was thinking, we grab a blanket, stock up on snacks and then go for a picnic. Unless that's too cheesy," she added.

"That sounds awesome," Chloe said. "When we get back, I think I might actually let you read my column."

"It's about time," Beca said, laughing.

A few hours later and they were happily lazing in the park, their backs resting against a tree, their hands entwined.

"So how come you wrote your article about me?" Beca asked, her head resting on the redhead's shoulder.

"They said for my first one I should choose a topic or an issue that I'm passionate about. They said it would be good if I could relate to that topic personally. They said it would be more readable," Chloe said, resting her head on Beca's. "So I picked mental health, particularly the stigma that's associated with depression. The more I wrote, the more it ended up just becoming a love letter to you." Beca was quiet for a few seconds. "It's okay that I've done that, right?" She asked, nervous.

"Of course," Beca said, softly. "I'm really glad you chose to write about that. It's important that people understand." She brought their linked hands up to her mouth and kissed the back of Chloe's.

"I'm really relieved to hear you say that," Chloe said, letting out a shaky laugh. "You'll be able to read it before I submit it, obviously. And if there's anything you don't like I'll take it out."

"I'm sure it'll be great, Chlo'. But I would like to read it," Beca said.

"I... I have it with me. If you wanted to read it now," she said, a little apprehensive. Beca lifted her head and looked at Chloe.

"I'd love to. If that's okay?" Beca said, sensing how nervous the redhead was in sharing her writing with her for the first time. Chloe nodded and reached into her bag, pulling out a folded up piece of paper. hesitantly, she handed it over.

"I always print off my drafts," Chloe said as Beca took the paper from her hand. "It makes it easier to edit them." Beca unfolded the paper carefully, as if she was holding the most precious and valuable thing in the world. Beca started to read, acutely aware of Chloe's eyes fixed on her, trying to gage the brunette's reaction.

_For my first column, my editor advised me to write something personal. Personal makes it easier for a reader to connect with you, he said. He said, write about something you're passionate about. Write about a topic or an issue that you think demands attention. I thought. In all honesty, it didn't take me long to choose my topic. If you were to ask me who or what the most important thing in my life was, my immediate answer would be my girlfriend. Every time, without hesitation. A week before I was offered this job, she was sectioned under the mental health act and was admitted into a psychiatric hospital. This was a girl I had been friends with since the age of about three. We had grown up together and, after four years apart, we were reunited maybe five or six months ago and within a week we'd confessed our love. This was a girl who knew me better than anyone, and who I knew (or thought I knew) better than I've known anyone. I watched her slip away, one cut at a time, until she inevitably went too far. _

_And that's what I want to write about. Because of an illness, an illness like any other illness, my girlfriend now has a stigma attached to her. A stigma that should not exist. She will forever be seen as depressed. Her permanent records will show she has a history of mental illness. She will be looked down on for the antidepressants she takes and for the scars she wears on her arms. Each fading white line and bump should represent her recovery and triumph, and for us it does. But a majority won't see that. They'll see weakness when they should see strength and she will forever be defined by her illness. But she doesn't have to be. I'm talking directly to you all, now. All of you who, before this, may have judged mental illness as anything other than an illness. All of you who have been unable to look past this label. This stigma. _

_Because my girlfriend is not her illness. My girlfriend is the smirk she gets when she knows she's right. She's the crease between her eyebrows she gets when she's confused. She's the music that flows out of her. The feather-light touch of her fingers, moving across her guitar. The same feather-light touch that brushes the hair from my face. She's the sarcastic comment that she uses to pretend she doesn't care. They eye-roll that shows when she thinks you just made a stupid or obvious comment. She's the smell of bacon and coffee in the morning. She's the small blush that creeps to her cheeks when she's embarrassed. She is the arms that hold me tight. She is the chest she lets me lie on when we're watching a movie that she undoubtably hates. She is the taste of electricity when we kiss. She is the lips that whisper I love you when we lie in bed at night and she is the ears that hear my response. She is her scowl and her smile. Her laugh and her tears. She is home. My girlfriend is not her scars. She is not her illness. She is so much more._

Beca finished reading with tears pooling in her eyes.

"That's..." she said, her voice catching in her throat. "That was beautiful, Chlo'."

"Yeah?" Chloe asked, nervously. "You liked it?" Beca moved so she was sitting directly in front of Chloe, her hands closed over the redhead's.

"I didn't think it would be possible for me to fall anymore in love with you. But, here I am, more in love with you than ever."


	19. You Go First

**A/N: I just wanted to shower you all with my undying love for you before you read this chapter! (Also, I have a special message for the guest reviewer Jenna at the end of this chapter)**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

* * *

"I can't believe I have to wear a dress," Beca said, scowling into the mirror, "and heels!"

"Beca, you aren't going to my best friend's wedding wearing jeans and a hoody," Chloe said, standing behind her, wrapping her arms around the smaller girl's waist. "Besides, you look hot."

"I'd look hotter in jeans," She mumbled, moving away from the mirror so she could drop on the bed.

"Don't crease that!" Chloe warned. "In fact, just take it off and hang it up."

"Bossy," Beca said, smirking as she pulled the dress off. "What time do you have to be at Aubrey's for?" She asked, pulling on her jeans and a t-shirt.

"Uh, soon," Chloe said, glancing at the clock.

"I wish you didn't have to go," Beca said pulling the redhead so she was lying beside her.

"It's only one night, Becs," Chloe said. She knew why the brunette was worried. It would be their first night apart since she had gotten out of the hospital almost a year ago. "And I'll see you bright and early tomorrow."

"Yeah..." Beca said, sighing.

"I still can't believe they're getting married tomorrow," Chloe said.

"It's crazy," Beca agreed. Chloe checked her watch.

"I gotta go, baby," Chloe said, rolling over and kissing Beca quickly before sitting up. Beca's hand closed around the redhead's wrist. She pulled her back and kissed her again. "Aubrey will kill me if I'm late."

"She won't kill her maid of honour on the night before her wedding," Beca reasoned. "It'd be a pain in the ass to replace you."

"True as that may be, I still have to go. I'll see you in the morning," Chloe said, grabbing a bag and heading towards the door, Beca close behind her. "I love you." She pressed their lips together a third time.

"Love you too," Beca said, a sulking expression on her face. Beca dropped on the sofa and flicked on the TV, at a loss of what to do. Her mind wandered back to a conversation she had had with Katherine at her last session.

_**"So, are you excited for the big wedding?" Katherine asked, nearing the end of their time.**_

_**"Kind of," Beca said. "Aubrey's hired me as their band so that's pretty exciting."**_

_**"But...?" Katherine said, sensing there was more.**_

_**"But, Chloe's spending the night before it at Aubrey's. Which I know is totally fine and everything and I want her to go and have fun. It's just that..." Beca hesitated, unable to find the words.**_

_**"That it'll be your first night apart from her?" Katherine asked.**_

_**"Yeah," Beca said. "I'm just a bit nervous."**_

_**"Nights can still be hard for you, right?"**_

_**"I still get nightmares sometimes," Beca said, nodding. "Most of the time I can just go right back to sleep."**_

_**"What about the other times?" Katherine asked.**_

_**"The other times are when they've been so bad that they'll wake Chloe up. And it can take me a long time to calm down, even when Chloe's there. I know it's only one night but... I'm scared," she said, her voice quiet.**_

_**"Well it's perfectly natural to feel scared and nervous about the prospect of sleeping alone for the first time in almost a year," Katherine said, "but the more you stress about it, the more likely you are to have a bad night. My advice would be to do something to distract yourself once Chloe's gone. Preferably something fun."**_

With Katherine's words still ringing in her ears she pulled her phone out of her pocket and sent a text to Jesse.

**Beca: You got plans for tonight? x**

She brought her attention back to the TV and waited for a response. A few minutes later and she got one.

**Jesse: Nope. What were you thinking? x**

**Beca: Pizza and video games? x**

**Jesse: Count me in. I'll be over soon. x**

Beca smiled and ordered a pizza. About half an hour later, Jesse was knocking at her door.

"Hey," she said, smiling and standing aside so he could enter.

"Hi," he replied, giving her a quick side hug. "So, Chloe's at Aubrey's, huh?"

"Yeah," she said, heading into the kitchen and getting them both a drink. "Katherine told me to do something fun as a distraction."

"And obviously, I'm the funnest person you know," Jesse said, accepting the can of coke Beca was handing him.

"Obviously," Beca replied, switching on her XBox and handing Jesse a controller.

"So how have you been?" He asked, stealing a side glance at the tiny brunette.

"Good. Really good," Beca replied, killing Jesse's character in Halo with a head-shot. "Suck it."

"Dude!" He said, throwing his arms up.

"Katherine mentioned I might be able to try coming off my meds soon," she said, firing at him.

"Yeah?" He said, hitting her character in the face with the butt of his gun, killing her. "Boom!"

"You dick," she muttered, taking a swig of her coke. "Yeah, she thinks I'm ready."

"Do you think you're ready?" He asked, throwing a grenade, which bounced off a wall and was sent straight back to him. "Oh shit!"

"You fucking idiot," Beca laughed. "I think I'm ready. It's a bit of a scary prospect but, like Katherine, said - EAT MY SHIT YOU FUCKER!" Beca shouted, executing a perfect stealth attack on Jesse.

"She sounds like a great therapist," Jesse said, laughing.

"She said, I can always go back on them if it doesn't work. The worst that can happen is that I have a couple of bad days or weeks. Which sounds pretty shitty but it's not like I'll be alone," she said, pausing the game to get the pizza. They sat in silence for a few minutes while they ate. Jesse took the opportunity to steal a glance at Beca's exposed arms. Even though she hadn't cut in over a year, she still made a point to cover her arms in public. Her scars were all fading white lines, the most prominent being the word 'stop'. "Jess, you're making me a little self-conscious here, buddy," Beca said, her attention still focused on the pizza.

"Sorry," he said, dropping his gaze. "I just haven't seen them in a while. They look pretty good. I mean, not good, but, like, better."

"It's fine," Beca said, laughing lightly. "Considering how bad they were, they're looking good now. I mean, I'm still not comfortable with them being on show."

They carried on playing games and eating pizza until Jesse had to leave.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Becs," He said, giving her hug.

"Yeah," she said, "thanks for coming over."

"Anytime," he said, grinning. Beca tidied up and headed to bed, thankfully falling asleep almost instantly.

A few hours later and she woke up, sweating and shaking. The images of her dad and his raised fist were still burning in her mind. She immediately reached across for Chloe and the remembered she wasn't there. With a sigh she sat up and grabbed her phone, intending to check the time. She found she had a text from Chloe.

**Chloe: I'm sending you this while you're sleeping in case you have a bad night. I'm sorry I have to be away from you tonight. If you are having a bad night just take a few deep breaths and remember that it was just a dream that can't hurt you. I love you more than anything or anyone xxx**

Beca felt her heart expanding and tears filled her eyes. She couldn't comprehend the amount of love she was feeling for the redhead at that moment and an idea flooded into her mind. An idea that scared and excited her more than anything else. She immediately rushed out of bed and began rummaging through a box in her cupboard. Eventually, she found what she was looking for.

* * *

The next day, Beca was standing on a makeshift stage in a marquee outside, her guitar hanging around her.

"Okay, so I'm not used to performing in heels and a dress and I had to learn love songs specially for this," Beca said, hearing laughter from the crowd. "Now, please welcome for the first time, Mrs and Mrs Conrad-Posen." Aubrey and Stacie walked onto the dance floor, their hands entwined and enormous smiles on their faces. "Here's to the newly weds!" She began playing an up-beat 'The Way You Look Tonight'.

After she finished, a DJ took over music duties, Beca made her way to Chloe.

"You were awesome, babe," Chloe said wrapping her arms around Beca's waist and pulling her close. "Wanna go for a walk?"

"Yeah," Beca said, kissing Chloe quickly. They walked hand-in-hand, not saying much, until they were out of ear-shot of the rest of the wedding party. "I wanted to say something," Beca said, reaching a hand into her jacket pocket, her fist closing around an object.

"Me too," Chloe said, reaching into her bag and doing the same. "You go first."

"Okay, so that text you sent me last night was the most amazing thing. I fall in love with you more and more everyday and the idea of spending my life with anyone else is ridiculous. I love you, like, so fucking much." Beca's eyes were pooling with tears now.

"Beca," Chloe said, her own eyes brimming.

"Chloe, will you marry me?" She pulled her mom's ring from her pocket.

"Oh my god..." Chloe said. "I can't believe you beat me to it!" She pulled a box from her bag and opened it.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Beca said, laughing in shock. "Now, answer me then you can ask."

"Yes, of course I'll fucking marry you," Chloe said, giving Beca her hand kissing her head as the brunette slid the ring on her finger. Beca kissed her. "Okay, my turn. Beca Mitchell, will you marry me?"

"Umm," Beca said, pretending to think it over. "Go on then."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so the version of 'The Way You Look Tonight' Beca is playing is the same one that Mouse Rat sing on the Valentine's Day episode in season 2 of Parks and Recreation. (youtube it if you don't know it, it's really good).**

**Right, Jenna, you lovely lovely lovely person. That review was amazing. I would have sent this as a PM but you're a guest so I'll reply like this. It sounds like you've had a really tough time, and I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry you've been let down by friends and family and I can't comprehend how hard that must have been. But you seem like a truly awesome person and someday soon I'm sure you're going to find someone who does care that you write music, love shitty reality shows, and that you love animals. I'm really glad you feel I got Chloe's column right. I was really nervous writing this fic that I was going to get things wrong because self-harm and depression are such serious topics that are so misunderstood. But reading reviews like yours makes me feel like I'm at least doing this right. So thank you, so much, for reviewing and for sharing your story.**


	20. I Married That Girl

**A/N: So here it is folks, the end of the line.**

**I have crazy amounts of love for you all. This is the most successful fic I've posted so far and that's all down to you lot being the most supportive group of people on the internet. I was originally only intending this fic to last a few chapters but the response I got from you all inspired me to continue, and I'm so glad I did. So thank you!**

**I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters.**

* * *

**Katherine: Want to meet me for coffee tomorrow? Got some exciting news! x**

Beca picked up her phone and read her message.

"Can I meet Katherine for coffee tomorrow?" Beca asked the redhead whose head was resting on her stomach as they lay in bed.

"You don't have to ask," Chloe said, not looking up from her book. "But yes, you can." Beca laughed and kissed her on the top of her head.

**Beca: Sure. Same time, same place? x**

"In two weeks, we'll be married," Beca said, setting her phone down and getting back to running her hand through Chloe's hair. She closed her book. "Crazy."

"Now, I don't mean to nag, but you have your dress sorted, right?" Chloe asked, looking up at her.

"Yeah, about that. I was thinking maybe not wearing a dress, but wearing jeans and t-shirt instead. Or just, going in my birthday suit," Beca said, grinning. Chloe picked her book back up.

"Don't make me divorce you before we're even married," she said, trying to hide that the corners of her mouth were twitching into a smile. "Plus, you'll be wearing your birthday suit for the entirety of the honeymoon."

"Oh I will, will I?" Beca said, eyebrows raised.

"Well if I am, it's only fair you do too," she smirked.

"Yeah, that's fair," Beca said, taking Chloe's book from her hand and putting it on the bedside table.

"Beca, wh-" Chloe was cut short by Beca's lips pressing against hers. In a few seconds, Beca had moved so she was straddling the redhead. "What about our no sex before the wedding pact?" Chloe asked, her voice a little strangled.

"We clearly weren't thinking straight when we made that pact," she mumbled, closing the gap between them again.

"Yeah," Chloe agreed. "Screw the pact."

"Don't screw the pact," Beca said, "screw me."

"That was lame," Chloe giggled, their faces barely an inch apart. "You're lucky you're hot."

* * *

The next afternoon, Beca arrived at the coffee place to find a pregnant Katherine sitting in a booth, a black coffee sitting in front of the space intended for Beca.

"Thanks," Beca said, bringing the cup to her lips. "You're so pregnant, dude."

"Tell me about it," Katherine said, shifting in her seat, "I feel like I'm doubling in size every morning. Maybe if you're lucky, you'll get to experience this joy one day," she added, sarcastically.

"No way, man. It's already been discussed and Chloe is the one who'll be carrying the kids. There's no chance I'm passing my genes on," Beca said, laughing. "So, what's the big news?" Katherine placed her left hand on the table and Beca saw the sparkle of an engagement ring. "Dude! That's awesome!" She said. "It's about damn time, man."

"I know, right?! I think after he realised how long we'd been together he just manned up and did it," Katherine said, grinning.

"Well, I hope I get an invite," Beca said, smiling at how happy Katherine was.

"Of course you will," Katherine said, rolling her eyes. "On the subject of invites, you got mine and Adam's RSVP right?" Beca nodded, taking another sip of coffee. "You nervous yet?"

"A little," Beca said. "Not too much."

* * *

"Are you ready?" Jesse asked, standing beside a very nervous Beca. She gulped and nodded, wiping her clammy hands on her beautiful, sleeveless, white dress. "On your dress, dude?" He said with a laugh.

"Shut up," she muttered, smiling slightly. They heard the music start.

"Let's do this," Jesse said, holding out his arm. Beca linked hers with his and they walked through a door. Rows of people stood and smiled as Jesse walked Beca down the aisle. She made eye contact with Katherine who gave her a thumbs up. They reached the front and a few seconds later, Jesse gave her a nudge. She turned and saw Chloe being walked down the aisle by her redheaded parents. She felt her breath catch in her throat.

"Wow," she whispered. Chloe was radiant. She was glowing. She was, "wow." Beca repeated. It seemed to take an eternity for Chloe to reach them, but when she did she saw her own love and adoration reflected in Chloe's eyes. "You look amazing," Beca said, taking Chloe's hands in hers. This was the first time they had seen each other in their dresses.

"So do you," Chloe said, her eyes already full of tears. Aubrey and Jesse, the maid of honour and best-man, stepped away from the pair as the minister began his service. The girls couldn't take their eyes off each other as he spoke.

"Beca, would you like to read your vows first?" He asked.

"Okay," Beca said, clearing her throat. "Chloe, I'm no good with words. I spent hours trying to find the words to tell you how amazing you are. But I can't find words special enough. You're the single greatest thing that's ever happened to me, and without you I wouldn't even be here. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I love you too," Chloe choked out. "I'm supposed to be good with words. I can construct universes with words. I can create people and lives and stories. But you're right when you say there are no words special enough. When you left when we were seventeen, I thought I'd never be truly happy again. I thought I'd have to settle for contentment. Then that night I heard you singing in that bar, I turned to Aubrey and I said 'I'm going to marry that girl.' Well, two years later, and I married that girl."

"Beca Mitchell, do you take this woman?" The minister said.

"I do," Beca replied.

"And Chloe Beale, do you take this woman?"

"I do," Chloe said.

"Then I now pronounce you spouses for life. You may now kiss your wife." They wrapped their arms around each other and brought their lips together.

Around an hour later and Beca and Chloe were standing on the dance floor at their wedding reception. Cold Play's 'Yellow' was playing as they shared their first dance. Beca's hands were resting on Chloe's waist, the redhead's arms draped over her shoulders, their foreheads pressed together.

"I feel like everyone's watching us," Beca whispered.

"That's because they are. We just got married, Becs," Chloe said, laughing.

"I guess. Couldn't they just talk among themselves for five?" Beca said.

"And why would you want them to do that?" Chloe asked, still smirking.

"So they don't have to see me do this," Beca said, bringing their lips together again.

"Let them watch," Chloe whispered, her lips ghosting over Beca's ear.

"Mrs. Mitchell, you dirty bird," Beca said, laughing.

"Mrs. Mitchell," Chloe said with a smile. "I like it."

A few hours later and Beca was sitting at a table with Chloe, neither of them saying anything. She watched the small gathering of people. She saw Jesse dancing with his girlfriend, Lisa the English teacher, and she silently thanked him. Without him, she probably would have died on that bench all those years ago. Without him, she wouldn't have found music, which lead her back to Chloe. Without him, she would never have ended up in the psych hospital.

Her eyes then fell on Katherine, who was sitting beside her now fiancé, Adam. His hand resting on her pregnant stomach. Beca then said her silent thank you to her. Katherine was no longer her therapist, but her good friend. Without her, Beca wouldn't have understood that she was ill, and that the illness wasn't her fault. Without her, Beca wouldn't have taken her meds, or had someone other than Chloe that she could truly be honest with. And without her, she wouldn't have had the courage to finally come off those meds.

And finally, Beca turned to Chloe.

"Thank you, " she said, brushing a strand of Chloe's hair out of her face. This time, Chloe didn't ask what for, she simply stood and pulled Beca to her feet.

"Thank you," Chloe repeated, kissing her wife again.


End file.
